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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Aug 2019

  • C’est pourquoi je vais à l’école

    The summer holidays give me a very accurate insight into what it must be like to be a cat: sleeping late, having no concept of time and whiling away hours on pointless rubbish. Now, of course, the new school year is imminent and I am stressing out like crazy about how I can possibly be…

  • J’adore harceler les chiens

    Now that the Forbidden Greenhouse is no more, it is super-easy for Louis Catorze to shimmy out through the gap in the fence and hang out in the school playground at The Back. Previously he would have to pick his way delicately through the various piled-up bikes and gardening implements, but now he just slips…

  • Une pelote de laine emmêlée

    Nala the dog’s Puppy Mamma asked me if I would like to join her at a knitting class. My brain: “What? Are we, like, 103 years old? It’s the dullest old-lady hobby ever, all our friends will laugh at us, and the things we make will look like shite.” My mouth: “Sure, why not?” Interestingly,…

  • L’oiseau libre

    This cheeky sod (see photo below) has been hanging around for a number of days now, nibbling at the sedum flowers at The Front. He is a very distinctive dark colour, so I am 100% certain that it’s the same pigeon coming back repeatedly. Like most of the world, I am not a fan of…

  • Un peu de honte est bientôt passée

    We now have two new people to add to our “We Owe You An Apology/Explanation Because Of Louis Catorze” list: Basil who came to install our new front door lock (Embarrassment Rating: Level 4), and Lee the tiler who is doing our front path (Embarrassment Rating: Level 8). Catorze started screaming from a distance the…

  • La joie est un escargot rampant

    Cat Daddy and I were met with this scene when we came downstairs yesterday morning. The photos do not do it justice and, in real life, it was more horrifying than I ever thought possible: Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: this is snail juice. And, judging by the huge amount of ground covered in just one…

  • Le maudit hebenon

    One of the glorious things about our garden is that plants just magically appear without us actually planting them. Neither Cat Daddy nor I know a thing about gardening so we very much welcome this, especially if the plants turn out to be particularly attractive or unusual. A new and quite pleasant-looking plant recently appeared…

  • Aucun séjour à Paris

    Cat Daddy and I had planned a short break in Paris to celebrate his retirement, and we should be there right now. But, because I have wrecked my bad shoulder whilst attempting to restrain Louis Catorze for his spot-on flea treatment, we have had to cancel. Now, I don’t suppose I can fully blame Catorze…

  • Nous sommes sans cesse mis à l’épreuve

    We are just a couple of days into Cat Daddy’s retirement, and already I’ve had it with the males in this household. It’s bad enough that Boys’ Club seems to have taken a darker turn and gone underground – and by this I mean Catorze purring and cuddling with Cat Daddy when I am not…