louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Tag: food
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Saint Jésus, Marie et Joseph, et le petit âne: Louis Catorze just went for a piece of smoked Comté on our cheese board, RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Furthermore I’m ashamed to admit that this happened right in front of Cat Daddy and me, and we were too slow to stop it. No, we weren’t…
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I don’t know whether to wear a black armband or to raise a glass of something suitably solemn* to mark the fact that we are now up to Part 10 of this sorry saga. I may well do both. *Is there such a thing as a solemn alcoholic drink, or is this something that only…
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Saint Jésus, if I’m not being screamed at, I’m being INVIGILATED whilst I cook. I bet the contestants on Masterchef don’t have to put up with this kind of thing: Louis Catorze has never, EVER sat like this in the kitchen before, but he’s doing it now. I might have understood had I been preparing…
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The other day I was preparing a beef wellington for Louis Catorze’s Cat Uncle. He is seriously ill in hospital, and beef wellington is his favourite thing in the world. This was what I had to endure after giving the little sod a few scraps of jambon de Bayonne, which I had used to wrap…
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In today’s edition of Things We Used To Be Able To Eat But Now Can’t: sea bass rillettes. I thought I was so clever, waiting until Louis Catorze had gone outside before deciding to have sea bass rillettes for lunch. But, as soon as I opened the jar, I heard the telltale click of the…
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At the start of the week, the chat-sitteur who looked after Louis Catorze whilst we were in Scotland, came round for dinner with her lovely family. Catorze was happy to see her, but BESIDE HIMSELF to spend time with her brother (no great surprise there as he, erm, prefers the company of gentlemen). And, luckily,…
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Describe your life in an alternate universe Part 5. Holy hell. In the 1998 film Sliding Doors, PR executive Helen misses a train; we see how her life unfolds after that, as well as seeing an alternate universe in which she DID catch the train. I look back upon The Great Salmon Grab and long…
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Was today typical? Typical of what? If we mean typical of what would happen to most people most of the time, I hope not. But typical of the usual shite that happens here? Most likely, yes. Louis Catorze has just dipped his tail into my tea. This has happened before but, on this occasion, he…
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How do you waste the most time every day? Probably by reading and writing about cats, although I don’t consider it a waste. I consider it time well spent, especially when I read about cats who are bigger shites than mine. (Unbelievably, there are some out there.) I don’t know what is happening to the…
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Describe your dream chocolate bar Cats and chocolate don’t really go together, so Louis Catorze doesn’t have a dream one. However, if he WERE a chocolate bar, he would be one of those 99% ones: dark, bitter and only manageable in very small doses. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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I have just been screamed at whilst making, and eating, a tuna mayonnaise sandwich. I don’t know where Louis Catorze was when I started making it but, as soon as I opened the can of tuna, it flushed him out of his mystery hiding place place and the noise started. And it went on. And…
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It’s official: Cat Daddy has banned the Spring Zing from Le Château. I’m not sure how to keep it out, but I imagine we’ll be covering the windows in tin foil and nailing the doors shut. It’ll be like The Mist meets The Purge, only much less fun because we’ll be sealing the antagonist inside…
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Remember when Louis Catorze loved his new itchy cat treats? Yeah, well, now he doesn’t. The little sod ate the first couple with considerable enthusiasm, even though I’d just fed him, so I thought we were onto a winner. But it didn’t last. And, bizarrely, he doesn’t seem to have changed his mind about them;…
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Usually, when Louis Catorze needs his next steroid shot, he will start scratching again, and this becomes more and more intense until we take him to the vet. The vet usually has plenty of availability, but occasionally we have had to wait. And, when the building housing the veterinary practice undergoes its long-awaited refurbishment, who…
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