Category: Uncategorized
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When you think your cat has hung up their hunting boots for good, there’s no really good time for them to prove you wrong. However, the evening AFTER the bin men have been, whilst you’re cosy on the sofa watching the football, is probably the worst time of all. It was Cat Daddy who noticed…
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Remember when we naively hoped that Louis Catorze and Foxy Loxy could live harmoniously together? Yeah, well, it turns out that they can’t. Cat Daddy witnessed An Incident the other night – or, rather, two mini-incidents one after the other, but we’ll call it a single incident so that it doesn’t sound as bad. Cat…
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Louis Catorze is continuing to annoy the merde out of Cat Daddy. One night, when they were up late for Boys’ Club, I was awoken by the sound of Catorze being told off, with an exasperated Cat Daddy shouting, “You’re so SELFISH!” The next morning I was greeted by three piles of cat puke downstairs,…
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Our relationship with Ocado has been, erm, complicated at times. And it’s all Louis Catorze’s fault. Luckily, now that he’s a bit older, he seems to be growing out of his habit of harassing drivers when they arrive, screaming at them and circling their feet to trip them up. However, reduced energy certainly doesn’t mean…
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Remember when I had to lock myself in a room with Louis Catorze because he couldn’t behave during Zoom calls? Well, now, I am locking myself in a room with him because he can’t behave generally. It beggars belief that this is what has become of me. When the beautician visited recently, naturellement Catorze barged…
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Louis Catorze has started requesting to go out at The Front every evening. He often does this when it’s warm outside and, although I wasn’t keen at first in case he tried to cross the road and consort with marauding youths in the park, so far he seems able to have been sensible and stay…
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If you could erase one event from history, what would it be? This one from 2017: A couple of days ago, Oscar the dog’s mamma told me that she had seen a large brown rat in their garden. Ever-hopeful, I asked her if she were sure that it wasn’t a very big mouse, or an…
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What’s a conspiracy theory you actually find believable? The Uprising is nigh. Black cats are masterminding it, with the aid of their ginger footsoldiers. But every single cat on the planet – yes, even yours – is either an active conspirator or, at the very least, a sympathiser. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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Another week, another heatwave. This one was the fourth this year (or maybe the fifth, I can’t remember) and, once again, the hottest place in the UK on the hottest day of the week was Kew Gardens, 0.6 miles from us, at 38.1°C. On Friday we received a government emergency alert on our phones, the…
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The cold water tap in our kitchen is leaking. It varies from a light but steady flow to a drip per ten seconds, but it never fully stops. Cat Daddy was all for just ignoring it until I showed him exactly how much water was being wasted: a washing-up bowl placed under the tap at…
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Cat Daddy’s recovery has been a mixed bag so far. Physically, everything is healing as it should. However, I fear that Le Château is not a suitable environment for someone recovering from surgery, and this is mostly Louis Catorze’s fault. His actions, so far, have included the following: Thundering around the house early in the…
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Just before his knee surgery, Cat Daddy had another Zoom call. He messaged me asking if I could be prison officer again, but unfortunately I didn’t see the message until just AFTER I had turned Louis Catorze loose in the house. So he had to recapture the inmate and haul him back to the cell…
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Share a photo of your pet and tell us one thing that makes them uniquely them. Years ago, when we adopted our first black cat, we would wonder how to tell ours apart from others. Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: we were part of the brigade who thought that all black cats looked the same. If…
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After a number of consultations, Cat Daddy has finally had the first of two knee operations. He came home yesterday and, as he hobbled up the front path with his crutches, Louis Catorze sat on the bottom step and screamed and screamed. Cat Daddy says he wishes he were still at the hospital. It’s not…
