louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
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You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence? “It was the worst of times.”
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Earlier this week, we took Louis Catorze to the vet for his steroid shot. He has lost weight and is now down to 3.05kg, but this is quite normal for him at this time of year. However, rather more worrying has been his recent increased ear-scratching and head-shaking. And, when the vet stuck a cotton…
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I’m not quite sure what’s happening at the moment, but other cats seem to be the ones being complete shites whilst mine is behaving. I repeat: OTHER CATS ARE BEING SHITES AND MINE IS BEHAVING. Someone posted on our online neighbourhood forum, having found a discarded cat tracker in their garden. Apparently the wearer had…
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Usually, when Louis Catorze needs his next steroid shot, he will start scratching again, and this becomes more and more intense until we take him to the vet. The vet usually has plenty of availability, but occasionally we have had to wait. And, when the building housing the veterinary practice undergoes its long-awaited refurbishment, who…
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Louis Catorze has been all over me lately, even, on a couple of occasions, choosing my lap over Cat Daddy’s. For a while I thought he was actually starting to like me, but then I realised that I am just the safe refuge from the dreaded guitar. Yes, Cat Daddy is still at it with…
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If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why? Can you ban a word from the English language even if it wasn’t a proper word in the first place? If so, “nother” needs to go. It’s just silly. An example of that non-word in a context that we…
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What is your favourite drink? Louis Catorze doesn’t have a repertoire of drinks, and is only allowed water. Well, you’ve seen what he’s like on just water – would you really want to see him on absinthe shots or cask-strength whisky? (Ok, I know that some of you would, just for the entertainment value. But,…
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Saint Jésus et tous ses anges: Louis Catorze is eating normally. Nobody understands why he’s conceded, but he has, and we will happily take it. I am so glad I didn’t follow the stupid advice of my friends – YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE – who told me to just give him the Michelin-starred hot-smoked…
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A while ago I posted about Wisdom Panel, a DNA ancestry test for pets, and my surprise at its seemingly incongruous advertising slot in the middle of a Prime Video show about serial killers or some such thing. I have just seen another ad for it, this time during the half-time break of the football…
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Have you ever unintentionally broken the law? Well, let’s see: 1. Trespassing: wandering onto other people’s land without permission. 2. Breaking and entering: wandering into other people’s property without permission. 3. Affray: loud disputes with at least one bird, squirrel, dog or other cat. 4. Violent disorder: as above, but with numerous third parties at…
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Shadow the black Labrador’s folks have given me a cat modelling kit. It is designed to be for human use (obviously), not for cats, but Louis Catorze has decided that the plasticine effigy of him is his new favourite toy. He has knocked it to the floor at least 5,317 times since I made it…
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Although The Great Salmon Grab was ages ago, its effects have been hard-hitting and far-reaching. Louis Catorze is eating, but there is something strange about the way he’s doing it. I once described it as “reluctant”, but that implies a certain – albeit very low – level of cooperation, and this isn’t really what’s happening.…
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Louis Catorze’s new spot-on treatment, which covers fleas, ticks and two types of arse-worm, is a life-changer. However, as is the Catorzian way, this doesn’t stop the little sod from making it as difficult as is felinely possible when it happens. There is a rather handy gap in our coffee table, between the flat wooden…
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Do you need a break? From what? Come on. You know the answer to this. We have a school inspection going on at the moment. If you have ever worked in a school you will know what utter purgatory an inspection is, not just because of having people watch you teach (although that’s quite awkward…
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