louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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Saint Jésus, if I’m not being screamed at, I’m being INVIGILATED whilst I cook. I bet the contestants on Masterchef don’t have to put up with this kind of thing: Louis Catorze has never, EVER sat like this in the kitchen before, but he’s doing it now. I might have understood had I been preparing…
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Cat Daddy returned home from his trip at the start of the week, and Louis Catorze’s screaming has been absolutely off the scale ever since. Every time I think it can’t get worse, the little sod proves me wrong. During Cat Daddy’s absence, Catorze wouldn’t leave me alone; he clung to me like a limpet…
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Cat Daddy was stuck behind a bus in a traffic jam the other day, and this ad caught his attention: I can’t think of anything more fun than observing such a thing. We don’t have a dog but, whilst I figure out how to get one just for the day, I have many questions about…
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What are you doing this evening? I dunno … eating my dinner alone in a locked room, like a prisoner in protective custody? I’m not sure whether to be more shocked that we are now up to Part 8, or that Louis Catorze has just eaten something unthinkably bizarre from my almost-empty bowl. Mesdames et…
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After the council spent the whole summer on their project of rewilding the pavements of TW8, with autumn approaching they have finally decided to dewild them again. Clearly they realised that letting our streets overgrow until they turned into the I Am Legend film set wasn’t a great look. At around 8am, they came to…
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How do you relax? With this going on? Erm … For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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The other day I was preparing a beef wellington for Louis Catorze’s Cat Uncle. He is seriously ill in hospital, and beef wellington is his favourite thing in the world. This was what I had to endure after giving the little sod a few scraps of jambon de Bayonne, which I had used to wrap…
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When it’s 27°C outside – yes, even though it’s SUPPOSED TO BE SEPTEMBER – and you’re a black animal covered in fur, the sensible thing to do would be to keep out of the sun, non? Well, NON. Whilst Cat Daddy and I slow-cooked to death on Sunday afternoon, feebly sipping ice-cold drinks, Louis Catorze…
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What brings a tear of joy to your eye? Louis Catorze does. Well, sometimes. When he’s not being a massive arse. When Cat Daddy and I decided to sit outside and enjoy an ice-cold matcha latte in the garden, Sa Maj squeezed between us. There wasn’t really room for him, but he didn’t care; his…
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Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the postman — and write a post based on their responses. We approached Ocado for their comments on life servicing the household of Louis Catorze, but they’re not replying to our emails. I wonder why? Could the reason be this? Or possibly this? Perhaps I’m overthinking…
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A couple of days ago I saw Louis Catorze sitting at the back door, screaming, because he couldn’t get in. And, when I say, “couldn’t get in”, I mean that the cleaner had just mopped the floor and he didn’t want to get his feet wet. I know. So he just sat at the back…
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In today’s edition of Things We Used To Be Able To Eat But Now Can’t: sea bass rillettes. I thought I was so clever, waiting until Louis Catorze had gone outside before deciding to have sea bass rillettes for lunch. But, as soon as I opened the jar, I heard the telltale click of the…
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You know this already, but I had to post about it again because it never fails to blow my mind. And I’m sure this won’t be the last time. Louis Catorze will do it again and make it even weirder, I’m sure of it. We’ve had a lot of rain this weekend. In fact, yesterday…
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Tell us about the last thing you got excited about PART SIX. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Well, this prompt is easy for Louis Catorze for answer: it was salmon. Yes, again. Remember when I told you that we could no longer eat smoked salmon in this house ever again? Well, it seems that not even bog-standard…
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