louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
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We have had to start shutting Louis Catorze, or ourselves, in the front room during meal times, so that we can eat without being headbutted and screamed at. I have complained to many fellow cat freaks about this, and I have been met with little-to-no sympathy on account of the fact that their cats have…
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If Louis Catorze weren’t French, I am certain that he would be Japanese. This is not only because his alien eyes are straight out of a Manga storybook, but also because the Japanese love cats: dressing up as them, having street festivals dedicated to them, the whole works. Most of us who claim to love…
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What principles define how you live? “Just when they think you can’t possibly be more of a bastard, prove them wrong.” Such a Catorzian way to be, and Louis Catorze lives up to this every single day. The little sod always sleeps next to me at night. Then, one night, he didn’t. I didn’t think…
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I have just had to eat my dinner* with my plate balanced on my left knee, and with my right leg repeatedly kicking away a screaming cat. *It was chicken fajitas topped with sour cream and cheese, merci for asking. Every time I kicked, he came back for more. Despite only being the size of…
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One of my friends has just been over for our annual cemetery visit and horror fest. (I’m not joking: this is actually what we do together, every October, and it’s become a much-loved tradition.) Because she has chat-sat Louis Catorze in the past, he knows her well and loves her visits, so I fully expected…
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*WARNING: CONTAINS TALK OF DEATH AND GENERAL CREEPINESS.* A few days ago, Cat Daddy was watching television in the kitchen when Louis Catorze raced past him and clattered out through the cat flap. It turned out that there was a much larger (but then all cats are much larger than Catorze) tuxedo cat in the…
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A few nights ago, I had to turf a very indignant Louis Catorze off my lap to answer the door. It was a lady that I’d never seen before. Lady: “Hello, I live at number sixty-three [or whatever number it was – I was so mortified at being caught out in my pyjamas at 8pm…
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Discovery Plus, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One of those ways is Ghost Town Terror, a series about a family who buy an abandoned pioneer ranch in Montana. They find a mummified cat in the crawl space under one of the buildings and, from that moment onwards, in addition to…
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You’ve always known that Louis Catorze is a creepy little sod. However, I’m about to show you an example of kitty creepiness that is common among all of them. ALL OF THEM. They may not always demonstrate it but it’s there, lying dormant until it suddenly breaks through the surface at a moment when you…
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Which topics would you like to be more informed about? Our vet recently posted this on social media, and I want to know more: Clearly there was An Incident that triggered this post, and I am overjoyed to be able to say, with absolute sincerity, that it was nothing to do with my cat this…
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Saint Jésus, Marie et Joseph, et le petit âne: Louis Catorze just went for a piece of smoked Comté on our cheese board, RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Furthermore I’m ashamed to admit that this happened right in front of Cat Daddy and me, and we were too slow to stop it. No, we weren’t…
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When Cat Daddy and I went to Scotland, we bought this piece of art: It’s a kelpie, which is a mythical, water-dwelling ghost horse, rumoured to lure unwary people to a watery death. Not very pleasant, I know, but there are worse animals who do worse things to people. Don’t ask me how I know…
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It’s autumn! I look forward to this every year. My romantic vision was to see in the first day of my favourite season with a matcha latte outside, and with Louis Catorze happily pitter-pattering around me doing autumn cat things. Sadly it was raining heavily, so I sat indoors instead and waited for Catorze to…
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What’s the best piece of advice you have ever received? “Stay away from narcissists and psychopaths.” Yet here we are, living under the authoritarian rule of someone who is BOTH. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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