What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
A bit of peace, just once in a while, would be nice. But there’s no chance of that in this house.
I swear that that black cat who gatecrashed Stonehenge on the winter solstice ripped a gaping hole in the space-time continuum because, ever since then, Louis Catorze has been manic. And there was a full moon last night, which has undoubtedly made things worse.
Until a few days ago, Catorze’s nonsense had consisted mainly of him arsing around with his toys and a bit of galloping around the house. Now, however, his MO is to knock things off the coffee table, act surprised that they’ve fallen and then jump down to attack them before they attack him first.
The items that he has knocked down include the following:
- Lip balm pots
- Soft toys (for humans, not ones designed as cat playthings)
- Pens
- Paracetamol blister packs
- Sweets
- Coasters
- Somewhat less pleasingly, my very expensive glasses (twice)
Oh, and he also jumped into the Christmas decorations bag and thrashed around so violently that he tore the bag.
Family Next Door gave Catorze, for Christmas, a knitted cravate with a bell attached, which he refuses to wear but absolutely loves as a toy. And, somehow, even long after playing with it, he remains in a hyped-up, psychotic mood for some time, jumping onto high surfaces and generally annoying the shit out of us.
Cat Daddy: “Look at him. We need to keep him away from catnip if it’s going to make him like this.” Erm, he hasn’t had any catnip. This is sober Catorze. Let that sink in.
Does this mean that 2026 will be a healthy year for him?
Cat Daddy, without looking up from his phone: “It bloody well ought to be, with the money we spend on him.”
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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