It’s December! (Well, ok, it was December a few days ago, but I didn’t bother to say so on the 1st.)
Whilst dog people will be spending the festive season trying to stop their dogs from stealing deadly food, we cat people will be battling to keep our feline overlords from completely decimating our decorations.
Now, which of our family cats will be the first to trash their tree? Here are the contenders, in reverse order:
The Rank Outsider: Zelva, the only one of the gang who doesn’t have a rap sheet of bad behaviour. I would be shocked to the core if she even noticed her tree, let alone tried to interact with it in any way.
The Bismarck: Louis Catorze. Although he’s the one who practically invented Chat Noir bull- and apeshittery, his odds are reduced by the fact that, erm, our tree won’t be delivered until the 18th.
The Long Shot: Otis. He is also an adept hunter but, being more tactile than his sister, Roux, is less likely to win this particular race due to being too busy snuggling his humans.
The Mid-Field Finisher: Roux. She is a mighty huntress who, in the absence of actual prey due to hibernation, would happily take tree ornaments as a substitute.
The Second Favourite: Mothra. She may be smaller and less obviously dastardly than her brother, Rodan, but don’t rule her out. It’s often the quiet(er) ones.
The Odds-On Favourite: Rodan. He has the opportunity (he’s under house arrest due to construction work in his garden), the means (he’s a Chat Noir) and the motive (he’s a massive shite).
For once, I can relax in the knowledge that it’ll be someone else’s cat, and not mine, who does the deed. I’ll keep you posted.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
Leave a comment