Un cadeau pour le roi des rois

~ iamthesunking

What a lucky boy Louis Catorze is. When our friends at the Cool Cat Club* found out about his Orijen predicament, their CEO – a fellow Chat Noir by the name of Morris – instructed his human subordinates to send us a pescatarian hamper full of their delicious fish variants.

Oh. Mon. Dieu! Merci beaucoup!

On the day that the hamper arrived, poor Catorze was in an especially low mood, barely eating and spending much of the day sleeping. I must confess that, since he doesn’t like wet food, nor will he settle for any old food even if hungry/desperate, my expectations were low.

However, in a shock twist to this tale, the little sod actually ate an ocean fish pouch. Not only that but, as I was serving it, he screamed and screamed at me to hurry up.

I know. I’ll just give you a few seconds to absorb that unprecedented news.

That isn’t the end of it: the next morning, he ate half a cod and salmon pâté tray, again screaming impatiently because my serving speed was not up to the required standard. Cat Daddy gave him an accidental bonus tuna and shrimp can when he came home drunk at 1:30am (Cat Daddy came home drunk, I mean, not Catorze) and the report via WhatsApp was, “He’s polished off a whole tin of one of those foods since I got back. He loves it.”

He has now scoffed his way through all the wet food in the hamper.

I cannot describe what an incredible relief this is. Given that the little sod has, in the past, chosen to starve for reasons such as unsatisfactory** food, good food served in an unsatisfactory manner and good food served on an unsatisfactory plate, I was very concerned indeed about what would happen to him in the run-up to his dental surgery and during the recovery time afterwards. Now I don’t need to worry.

**His “unsatisfactory” is not like most people’s “unsatisfactory”. This is, after all, the cat who eats organic, aged Comté from the cheese deli but refuses Marks and Spencer Comté.

Catorze now has a full belly, so he is back to being an annoying shite again. No doubt Morris knew perfectly well that this would happen, and it’s all part of the Chats Noirs’ quest to wear us down so that they can overthrow us.

“Maurice! 3am tomorrow … you know what to do, mon pote.”

*If you would like to try out the Cool Cat Club, have a look here. Catorze highly recommends them for their top-notch food and amazing service. He follows a mainly pescatarian diet, but the Cool Cat Club caters for a wide variety of demands requirements.

29 thoughts on “Un cadeau pour le roi des rois”

      1. I know, I was shocked! He caught me off guard as I was naughtily eating sat on the sofa and had never known him to do such a thing as he knows not to watch people eating or to give a pleading eye whilst eating. Thank goodness he has no front teeth. He nearly died in my arms once when he found a teeny tiny dish vertebrae that a seagull had dropped and it got stuck in his throat at base of his tongue, tiny little spikes were caught and he couldn’t breathe and he was choking and going all floppy. I was beside myself and I sat on a really low wall, got a grip of his body with my left arm and realised I had to take the risk of hurting him and put my finger down his throat and prize the spines out of his throat and tongue. You wouldn’t believe how quickly he recovered and immediately tried to grab the bone again like he thought I was stealing it for myself!! I was in shock from the ordeal and he had a sore throat, did he learn by his mistake… No, of course not!

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          1. Lol Merlot’s jaws and his front teeth when he still had them couldn’t have hurt me even if he tried hard, a chihuahuas mouth is NOTHING like a cat!! Cheeky bit me once when I managed to catch her after she’d been lost, and that was horrific, my shoulder was bruised for weeks and it was all I could do to hang onto her front while Alice hung on like crazy to her backside and legs!! No you don’t argue with a cat but dogs as small as Merlot can’t hurt that much, yes they can nip which would be bad for a child but you’re not likely to find them in the news for hurting people! And anyway he is the most placid, easy going, laid back chihuahua by comparison to my neighbour’s chihuahua who is identical to Merlot except for his short hair where Merlot has long hair, and Star is the most yappy, vicious little bastard you ever could meet and he’s bitten me which was a stinger. Trouble is he looks so like Merlot that I forget and reach out to stroke him, I’m a slow learner!!

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  4. The cat who isn’t motivated by food complain that the serfs aren’t serving it quickly enough. Who are you and what have you done with Catorze?

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