La guirlande lumineuse

The pesky squirrels have chewed, multiple times, through the wires of the pretty solar-powered garden lights that the Dog Family gave to Cat Daddy for his birthday. Of a string of around twenty lights, only four now work. And Cat Daddy is not happy about it.

After Unrepeatable Expletives of the Worst Kind and threats to obtain a firearm, Cat Daddy decided to … buy a new set of lights. Now, I don’t wish to victim-blame but this is asking for trouble, in the same way at that, if one’s Lexus were vandalised, it would not be advisable to buy an identical new Lexus and park it in the same spot the very next day.

Cat Daddy has also bought some new fruit trees for the garden, despite Cocoa the babysit cat’s mamma telling us that the squirrels stole the figs and peaches from her trees last year. So, as well as parking a new Lexus in the same place where vandals targeted his old one, he’s also effectively bought several brand new Lexuses (Lexi?) and dotted them tantalisingly around a neighbourhood known for Lexus theft. Oh dear.

This is only going to fuel Cat Daddy’s already-raging hatred for the squirrels. But he’s done it now, so it’s too late.

The new string of lights looked lovely trailing around the honeysuckle trellis and across the fence and the shed roof … until Cat Daddy remembered that he had to paint the fence, so there was a second round of unrepeatable expletives when they all came down again.

This area also happens to be Louis Catorze’s route to Twiggy the greyhound’s place, so we may have to rethink when they go back up. Cats are supposed to be able to deftly pitter-patter through even the trickiest of obstacles – there’s a YouTube cat who can run across a floor covered in dominos without toppling a single one – but this is Catorze we’re talking about. I can well imagine going outside to find him flailing and screaming among the wires, like a fly caught on that sticky paper (not that flies scream, but you know what I mean).

The fence painting is going on right now as I write. But, when Cat Daddy has finished, I might ask him to nail the lights slightly lower, to facilitate the Catorzian exit route. And his painting supervisor (pictured below) agrees.

“You’ve missed a bit, papa.”

15 thoughts on “La guirlande lumineuse

    1. Yes, solar lights. The squirrels around here are horrendous. And they all look very well-feed indeed, so it’s not as if they need the extra food (not that solar lights are food but they seem to think they are).

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  1. Facilitating Twiggys’ Torture Route? Providing tasty trees for the squirrels? I don’t blame CD for suspecting that perhaps you’ve crossed over to Catorze’ side…On the other paw, Cafe Catorze has a distinct ring to it…n’est pas? 😼

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    1. Haha, I reckon Twiggy can look after herself. I’m more concerned that our mutual friend will get caught up in the wires and I don’t want the neighbours to hate us even more than they do because of his flytrap screaming.

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  2. Think about it this way: the more Lexi are parked in the neighbourhood, the more likely SOME of them won’t be stolen by the squirrels and so CD will think he has won the war! Or maybe you could train Catorze to catch and eat squirrels?

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    1. Haha, he’s useless with them! All he does is sit and watch. Blue the Smoke Bengal, on the other hand, is a highly skilled killer. It takes some competence to catch them, but he’s done it. 😱

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  3. My favourite is when the squirrels take a single bite out of something you’re growing that isn’t quite ripe enough to pick yet, decide they don’t like it, and leave the now ruined fruit/veg behind. Idk– maybe it’s still safe to eat if you cut around the bite, but I’m not brave enough to risk it. Cat Daddy should be grateful he doesn’t also have to deal with raccoons (or does he?)

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        1. Yes, I know that they don’t mean to be a pain. I worry more that Catorze will end up in some sort of altercation with them, and that it won’t end well for him. He’s already had a screaming row with a magpie today, who was flapping at him. 🤣🤣🤣

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