louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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Cat Daddy and I went to visit my sister at the weekend, in an effort to escape feline bullshittery. We failed in our mission. Mesdames et Messieurs, it may well be deep autumn here in the UK, but nobody appears to have told Roux this. The little sod is still merrily hunting, as she did…
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What would you would attempt, were you not guaranteed to fail? (I’ve changed the wording slightly to make it a better fit for today’s catastrophe.) I’d make cats stop being massive shites. But, since it’s impossible, I shan’t even bother to try. The Bus of Misrule usually stops off here in October, but it seems…
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It was a full moon yesterday. Louis Catorze has been moon-sensitive all his life, so much so that we don’t even need to check full moon dates because we can usually tell by his behaviour: he’s wide-eyed, twitchy-eared and highly alert in the couple of days before and after. For the last few nights just…
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What’s your favourite hobby or pastime? Right now? Pissing off all the humans. Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: there is more feline bullshittery afoot although, again, it’s not my cat who’s causing it. What is HAPPENING? This time it’s Louis Catorze’s cat-cousin and fellow Chat Noir, Rodan, who has been jumping onto the kitchen worktop to…
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What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind? When these arrived in the post, Cat Daddy had questions. MANY questions. Mesdames et Messieurs, these are finger cots, and you put them over your fingers to protect cuts from infection. I didn’t even know these existed until one of my friends – YOU…
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What skill would you like to learn? It’s October, and Pets at Home have just launched a ouija board for cats. So necromancy could be quite fun, non? However, since we share a house with Louis Catorze, who already communes with evil spirits on a regular basis, we’re probably better off giving it a miss.…
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The Bus of Misrule seems to be stopping off at every household but mine at the moment. I don’t know what’s in the air, but we’re going through an unsettling period of other cats being utter shits and mine behaving impeccably. After hearing curious crunching sounds, my sister caught Otis under the bed happily tucking…
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Of which aspects of your cultural heritage are you most proud? (Sorry, I changed the wording because I couldn’t handle the clunkiness of the original.) Louis Catorze is very proud of being a black cat with vampire teeth. This makes him astonishingly popular, with everyone – and I mean EVERYONE, kids and grown-ups alike –…
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Cat Daddy and I have just flipped the mattress in the main bedroom. We’re supposed to do it every few weeks, apparently, but we’ve been a bit lazy and left it, erm, quite a bit longer than that. I felt that it was probably time to flip when I woke up with back pain every…
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What things give you energy? It’s the autumn equinox tomorrow. You all know by now how much I look forward to this day although, this year, we started celebrating autumn on 1st September, the start of meteorological autumn, just to squeeze in more autumn fun. This is traditionally a time for honouring ageing deities. Louis…
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Have you ever thought that, after over eleven years of putting up with living with your cat, you knew everything about them, only for them to do something to prove you wrong? Louis Catorze’s latest thing, something which he has never done before, is to sit on the warm spot left by someone who has…
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Something strange is afoot here at Le Château: Boys’ Club appears to have disbanded. Or, at the very least, it’s taking a hiatus. And the reason for this is because Louis Catorze can’t get enough of me. I know. I KNOW. The little sod now seeks out MY lap in the evenings. He also comes…
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When we first met Butthole, the Abhainn Dearg distillery cat, we assumed that he had either been in some sort of accident which had left his tail like that, or that he had a birth defect. It turns out that the first one isn’t true at all, and the second one is only half-true. He…
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We have managed to solve the long-standing mystery of how Louis Catorze manages to come indoors with a parchment-dry body and a dripping wet tail. As well as drinking from his water glass, Catorze drinks from the rainwater that pools on our outdoor table. This makes it impossible to answer when the vet asks us…
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