louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
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In what ways do you communicate online? Mainly to share useless dross. Nothing constructive or admirable. Dog people, however, get to do THIS kind of thing (below). Social media has informed me that there is a Sausage Dog Meet-Up scheduled for Saturday 11th February. It will be taking place in a park close by (not…
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I am lucky enough to run a paranormal club – nicknamed Spooky Club – at school. This is something that would terrify most headteachers and parents but, luckily, ours are progressive and trusting and let me get on with it. Our most recent session was about thermal cameras and the creepy things that show up…
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What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time? Louis Catorze is a huge fan of harassing the local wildlife. Squirrels, birds, foxes, whoever … they’re all fair game. These days, when I hear the cacophonous din of angry magpies or parakeets outside, I don’t even bother checking to see what’s happening. This is…
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After The Curious Incident with Chris the Heating Engineer on the Infra-Red Camera, but before my post about it went live, I told Cat Daddy what had happened. The first thing he did was fall about laughing. The second thing he did was tell me that he didn’t believe me. Him: “So did Chris see…
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Louis Catorze’s three main bêtes noires are as follows: 1. The guitar. 2. The vacuum cleaner (although he’s more offended than scared by this, and he screams at whoever is using it to shut up). 3. The pestle and mortar (again, insulting rather than frightening). The little sod was subjected to the third one at…
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If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Hot-smoked salmon. I’m not joking. We have had a trying few days here at Le Château. Since The Great Salmon Grab, every time I headed for the kitchen, Louis Catorze would pitter-patter after me and sit expectantly by his bowl, hoping beyond hope that some hot-smoked…
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What books do you want to read? I want Louis Catorze to finish reading this one. He’s only read half of it so far.
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What is your favourite animal? Not cats. Not anymore. Not after this. Bastard cat. I’m going to put him in an Uber and send him to someone’s house. I don’t know whose house. I don’t care whose house. It could be yours, so watch out. I came home on Wednesday night absolutely exhausted from work,…
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Louis Catorze’s cat-cousins, Otis and Roux, have been having the time of their lives in the great outdoors. Otis recently caught his first mouse – or, rather, the first mouse of which we are aware. He brought it upstairs, chased it around whilst his parents slept, then took it back downstairs again. There, he waited…
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Cold, dry and bright days are my favourite kind: no sweat, no rain, and everything outside looks glorious. We were lucky enough to have had such a day last week so, naturellement, we had to ruin it by carrying a screaming cat through the park and paying £124 to be told that there’s nothing wrong…
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What snack would you eat right now? Clearly nothing. Bastard cat. Cat Daddy and I can’t abide food waste. So it really hurts us to be throwing away perfectly edible Orijen – especially as it’s more expensive than cocaine and gold combined – just because a certain little shit doesn’t like the way we’ve served…
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This is the current status for each of us here at Le Château: Me: boiling a kettle in order to serve 0.3ml of boiling water to a cat. Cat Daddy: shouting at me for boiling a kettle for such a minuscule amount of water when there’s a global energy crisis.* Louis Catorze: enjoying his life…
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Louis Catorze’s Broadline has been discontinued. It’s always stressful when this kind of thing happens because, when it comes to complicated cats like him, it’s not quite as simple as just replacing the discontinued item with something else. It’s already happened with his food, and with his bowl (well, ok, that wasn’t discontinued – I…
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Our under-floor heating has malfunctioned again, right in the middle of our cold snap. This meant another visit from Chris the heating engineer, which was good news for Louis Catorze as he loves men. Family members, friends, delivery drivers, tradesmen, random passers-by, trick-or-treating youths … Catorze will happily accept cuddles from any or all of…
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