louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchenTime to stop my feline from itchingI yawn and stretch and give Catorze a squeeze Open the box and pull out the vial Try to apply but miss by a mileWhy’ve chumps like me got to bust those ticks and fleas?Busting ticks and fleas, what a…
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What an eventful night we’ve all had. Cat Daddy and I made three kids cry, another drop his sweets in shock, and a third group scream so loudly that they scared Louis Catorze. Naturellement we broke character when we saw that our scares had been rather too successful, and we did the British thing of…
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Despite looking forward to this day all year, I’m not really ready for it this time around and I’ve done the square root of nothing in terms of planning. Regretfully, this includes Louis Catorze’s Official Hallowe’en Portrait. As you know, Catorze will never be that supermodel Chat Noir who looks amazing in Hallowe’en-themed photoshoots. He…
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It’s half term. And, whereas most cats wake you up on weekends/holidays at the same time that they would wake you during a working week, mine decided, on the first day of my break, to wake me FORTY-FIVE MINUTES earlier than my usual weekday alarm. What an absolute bastard. By the way, this was before…
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Some of our friends have given us a lovely selection of herbs, including not one but TWO types of catnip. We’ve been keeping the herbs outside to prevent them from a slow, painful death by central heating. However, when I came downstairs yesterday morning, this was the sight that greeted me: Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs:…
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The beautician came over a few days ago. As you are aware, Louis Catorze has ruined around 753 of her appointments (this one was the worst), but this doesn’t appear to have put her off from returning. And, before you ask me why I don’t shut him out of the room when the beautician comes,…
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What food would you say is your speciality? All of it. Just give Louis Catorze all the food. I dropped my phone into my breakfast the other day, sending yogurt flying in all directions. Because I was too lazy to clean it all up myself, I picked Catorze up and plonked him onto the table,…
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What major historical events do you remember? This one. Oh God, this one. Seven years ago yet forever carved onto my soul, for all the wrong reasons. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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I’ve started watching a souped-up version of my usual paranormal investigation shows, called The Demon Files. The lead investigator, Ralph Sarchie, is a straight-talking ex-NYPD detective. I’m a bit scared of him, and I definitely wouldn’t want to be interviewed by him (especially if I were guilty), but his no-nonsense approach makes for quite compelling…
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I have a subscription for Louis Catorze’s Orijen, and I imagined that this would be pretty foolproof in terms of never running out. The next delivery arrives well before the previous lot has run out, and that’s how it works, non? Ahem. Pets Corner emailed to tell me that there were stock issues, but stupidly…
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What’s something most people don’t know about you? Sometimes bad things happen that are actually NOT my cat’s fault. Now, please hear me out. We’ve always known, haven’t we, that, if you cry wolf too many times, nobody will believe you in the event of a real emergency? There is a toothy black cat who…
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We have had to start shutting Louis Catorze, or ourselves, in the front room during meal times, so that we can eat without being headbutted and screamed at. I have complained to many fellow cat freaks about this, and I have been met with little-to-no sympathy on account of the fact that their cats have…
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If Louis Catorze weren’t French, I am certain that he would be Japanese. This is not only because his alien eyes are straight out of a Manga storybook, but also because the Japanese love cats: dressing up as them, having street festivals dedicated to them, the whole works. Most of us who claim to love…
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What principles define how you live? “Just when they think you can’t possibly be more of a bastard, prove them wrong.” Such a Catorzian way to be, and Louis Catorze lives up to this every single day. The little sod always sleeps next to me at night. Then, one night, he didn’t. I didn’t think…
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