louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Author: iamthesunking
-
My sister and her kids came to stay last week, as you know, having seen the creative writing cat posts from Wednesday and Thursday. Cat Daddy and I don’t share a bedroom on account of his snoring so, when we have more than two overnight guests, one of us often sleeps on the sofa so…
-
Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Eva, aged 9 *WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC REFERENCES TO MURDER.* DAY 1 Hour 1: silence. The cats still aren’t home. I honestly can’t believe my life is to sit and sit, alerting motion, and how much do I get paid? Nothing. Not a fart. Now…
-
Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Azalea, aged 7 One day, a cow-cat called Roux had an idea, an amazing idea indeed. But first she had a sad sleep in a lonely box, waiting for her cubs to come back. She slept through the night, and when she awoke: “THUD!” Waiting…
-
My Oura fitness tracker gives me a calorie burn target every day, based on the quality of sleep that it thinks I’ve had. And, a few days ago, I returned from a walk around the park, believing I had met my target but in fact I was twenty calories short. I decided to walk up…
-
Although I am very lucky to be able to go to such beautiful places on holiday, I really enjoy being back home. One thing I am not enjoying, however, is having to administer Louis Catorze’s thyroid medication. Two weeks away from it has made me forget just how non-fun it is. That said, it’s interesting…
-
Have you heard that saying: “You’re only ever one mouse click away from cats and their bullshittery”? Meet Pumpkin: In a truly exploitative fashion that only a cat could get away with, Pumpkin conned her way into someone’s house (including a break-and-enter through an upper floor window at 3am, scaring the merde out of the…
-
How would you describe yourself to someone? Louis Catorze would probably describe himself as a very fine cat indeed. However, we know that this is a lie. It’s 17:05 on Sunday, and Cat Daddy and I returned home from our holiday almost an hour ago. Louis Catorze was in his favourite place, atop the back…
-
What’s the story behind your nickname? Anyone with the name “Butthole” surely has some explaining to do? Even more so, if this were a real name and not a nickname? Now, please hear me out. Cat Daddy and I are lucky enough to have a whisky distillery just a few minutes’ walk from our holiday…
-
I usually go to bed early and wake up early, whereas Cat Daddy is late to bed and late to rise. And, during our holiday, we have kept to these patterns; I am the lark and he is the nightingale, with our respective time zones about three hours apart. When Cat Daddy was having his…
-
After a dog interlude and a seagull interlude, it’s time for Le Blog to return to cats. But not Louis Catorze – at least, not just yet. This time it’s Mittens, a famous Stornoway cat who, sadly, is no longer with us, but she remains very firmly rooted in local residents’ hearts and minds. Mittens…
-
The Outer Hebrides really are just like heaven. In fact, if, indeed, heaven exists, rather than clouds and pearly gates and angels playing harps, we imagine it to be the same as one’s regular life but without the shit bits, just like in that book The Lovely Bones. If we were in heaven we would…
-
Rodan and Mothra have a new cat bed. That is all. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
-
Dogs or cats? If you have ever so much as glanced at one of my blog posts, you will know the answer to this. However, since we are holidaying in a place where everyone is obsessed with dogs, I am giving the canine contingent a shout-out, just this once. From tomorrow, I’ll be back on…
-
What bothers you and why? Cat Daddy and I are holidaying in the Outer Hebrides, and Louis Catorze is someone else’s problem now in the care of his chat-sitteur. However, despite our distance, it seems we have not been able to wholly escape the little sod. We saw this picture in a restaurant in Stornoway:…
louiscatorze.com 