louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Author: iamthesunking
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Saint Jésus et tous ses anges: Louis Catorze is eating normally. Nobody understands why he’s conceded, but he has, and we will happily take it. I am so glad I didn’t follow the stupid advice of my friends – YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE – who told me to just give him the Michelin-starred hot-smoked…
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A while ago I posted about Wisdom Panel, a DNA ancestry test for pets, and my surprise at its seemingly incongruous advertising slot in the middle of a Prime Video show about serial killers or some such thing. I have just seen another ad for it, this time during the half-time break of the football…
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Have you ever unintentionally broken the law? Well, let’s see: 1. Trespassing: wandering onto other people’s land without permission. 2. Breaking and entering: wandering into other people’s property without permission. 3. Affray: loud disputes with at least one bird, squirrel, dog or other cat. 4. Violent disorder: as above, but with numerous third parties at…
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Shadow the black Labrador’s folks have given me a cat modelling kit. It is designed to be for human use (obviously), not for cats, but Louis Catorze has decided that the plasticine effigy of him is his new favourite toy. He has knocked it to the floor at least 5,317 times since I made it…
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Although The Great Salmon Grab was ages ago, its effects have been hard-hitting and far-reaching. Louis Catorze is eating, but there is something strange about the way he’s doing it. I once described it as “reluctant”, but that implies a certain – albeit very low – level of cooperation, and this isn’t really what’s happening.…
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Louis Catorze’s new spot-on treatment, which covers fleas, ticks and two types of arse-worm, is a life-changer. However, as is the Catorzian way, this doesn’t stop the little sod from making it as difficult as is felinely possible when it happens. There is a rather handy gap in our coffee table, between the flat wooden…
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Do you need a break? From what? Come on. You know the answer to this. We have a school inspection going on at the moment. If you have ever worked in a school you will know what utter purgatory an inspection is, not just because of having people watch you teach (although that’s quite awkward…
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In what ways do you communicate online? Mainly to share useless dross. Nothing constructive or admirable. Dog people, however, get to do THIS kind of thing (below). Social media has informed me that there is a Sausage Dog Meet-Up scheduled for Saturday 11th February. It will be taking place in a park close by (not…
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I am lucky enough to run a paranormal club – nicknamed Spooky Club – at school. This is something that would terrify most headteachers and parents but, luckily, ours are progressive and trusting and let me get on with it. Our most recent session was about thermal cameras and the creepy things that show up…
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What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time? Louis Catorze is a huge fan of harassing the local wildlife. Squirrels, birds, foxes, whoever … they’re all fair game. These days, when I hear the cacophonous din of angry magpies or parakeets outside, I don’t even bother checking to see what’s happening. This is…
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After The Curious Incident with Chris the Heating Engineer on the Infra-Red Camera, but before my post about it went live, I told Cat Daddy what had happened. The first thing he did was fall about laughing. The second thing he did was tell me that he didn’t believe me. Him: “So did Chris see…
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Louis Catorze’s three main bêtes noires are as follows: 1. The guitar. 2. The vacuum cleaner (although he’s more offended than scared by this, and he screams at whoever is using it to shut up). 3. The pestle and mortar (again, insulting rather than frightening). The little sod was subjected to the third one at…
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If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Hot-smoked salmon. I’m not joking. We have had a trying few days here at Le Château. Since The Great Salmon Grab, every time I headed for the kitchen, Louis Catorze would pitter-patter after me and sit expectantly by his bowl, hoping beyond hope that some hot-smoked…
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What books do you want to read? I want Louis Catorze to finish reading this one. He’s only read half of it so far.
louiscatorze.com 