louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Author: iamthesunking
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Merci à Dieu: it’s the Easter holidays. This is excellent because I don’t have to think about work for a whole two weeks, but also worrying because I’ll be spending more time with Louise Catorze, who has been absolutely unhinged lately. On the last day of term I switched off my weekday alarm, although I…
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What makes you laugh? Every so often Louis Catorze loses his voice, most likely from too much screaming. When he tries to make a sound, he barely manages to emit a breathy wheeze. And nothing is more hilarious than this. He doesn’t need medical attention, nor does this concern us in the slightest. Obviously if his…
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We have big news here at Le Château: Louis Catorze is now about 0.1% less of an arsehole when we administer his thyroid medication. We still have to employ the stealth attack method; if he knows it’s coming, it won’t work. Cat Daddy usually grabs him for one of their man-to-man chats, holding him on…
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I am very sad to have to tell you that Blue the Smoke Bengal is no longer with us. Blue was a stunningly beautiful cat, whose teddy bear appearance belied his murderous heart. No member of the local wildlife was safe from his slasher claws; he counted pigeons, blackbirds, sparrows, blue tits and squirrels among…
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Astronomical spring arrived at the end of last week, and the Spring Zing really is a thing because Louis Catorze has been absolutely insufferable. The little sod has been sleeping in a freezer bag (I KNOW) by day, then doing frenzied parkour, with vocal accompaniment, all over my bed at night. I’m starting to wonder…
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What is one word that describes you? Louis Catorze has been fine since that Sunday night when he did a somersault, landed on his head and almost knocked himself out. So the one word that best describes him, right now, is lucky. Although Cat Daddy says that he can think of a few others. Catorze…
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Mothra is sans Cône. Sadly this is not because the vet instructed it; it’s because she wriggled out. Yes, that’s despite the super-sturdy, and supposedly indomitable, MegaCône. Oh dear. Because Rodan won’t stop going for his sister’s tail, the humans have had to increase Mothra’s time in solitary. Obviously both cats are highly displeased by…
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Louis Catorze has, somehow, worked through his phase of attacking the weighted blanket every time I unfold it. I don’t know how or why, but I’m glad that this has happened. The blanket feels lovely when I’m cocooned in it but, on account of it being weighted (hence the name), unfolding it and putting it…
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Mothra is continuing to recover well from her tail amputation. She’s eating and drinking fine, clambering on furniture, and she’s even managing to tuck her little stumpy tail around her arse when she sits down: The greater challenge, it seems, has been keeping her segregated from her brother. The vet has given strict instructions that…
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Which animal would you compare yourself to and why? Louis Catorze was definitely a baying wolf in his last life. After the last Catorzian screaming video that I posted, a few people – including those who know him well – were concerned about his raspy throat. My sister even said, “What’s the noise at the…
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Louis Catorze has just walloped his head badly on the tiled floor. The little sod was playing with his pink butterfly on a string when it happened. Bizarrely, he wasn’t leaping for the toy. That actually might have made a bit of logical sense but, as you are probably aware by now, logical sense isn’t…
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What is the last thing you learned? Cat Daddy and I know that Louis Catorze is tiny. We’ve always known this. But, over the years, the little sod has mind-controlled us into using him as the benchmark for how all cats ought to be. And, recently, it has dawned on us just how much his…
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*WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC REFERENCES TO CAT PUKE.* What are three objects you couldn’t live without? Rubber gloves, antibacterial spray and kitchen towel, it seems. Cat Daddy: “Where’s the hallway doormat gone?” Me: “I had to put it outside to dry.” Him: “That was ages ago. I thought I’d brought it back in?” Me: “You did.”…
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Sorry, everyone, for the weird posting yesterday. The system has been glitching like crazy, publishing some material too early and unpublishing other, already-live material. I don’t know what’s going on but I blame Mercury Retrograde. In other news, Mesdames et Messieurs, we had yet another puke incident last week. And, whilst there’s never really a…
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