louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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about
Month: Jan 2026
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Our cleaning lady was off last week, so we had a new lady take over just for one day. Due to a misunderstanding, she arrived an hour early and we weren’t ready at all. Now, as a society, we have been conditioned to dislike latecomers. However, nothing sends me into a tailspin as much as…
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What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time? To talk about a cat’s “leisure time” would suggest that the rest of their time is spent working. Of course it’s not. Louis Catorze wouldn’t know work if it kicked him up the arse. So he doesn’t have “leisure time”; he just has “time”. And,…
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A couple of mornings ago, when switching off my alarm, I dropped my phone under the bed. And, rather than go under the bed to try to rescue it, I decided, instead, that it would be a good idea to reach for it by sticking my arm between the wooden slats of the headboard. You…
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After stuffing his face whilst in the care of Blue the Smoke Bengal’s mamma, and looking distinctly meatier and better even though we were only away for two nights, Louis Catorze is back to eating bugger all again. For the ten days or so leading up to our weekend away, I barely saw Catorze eat…
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Some time ago, Louis Catorze stopped coming up to bed with me. I simply assumed that he’d found a more fun thing to do at night – you know, harassing foxes, summoning demons, that kind of thing. So, now, when Cat Daddy comes up to bed long after I’ve gone to sleep, he brings Catorze…
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Part 21. I bet you thought that this sorry saga was in the past, didn’t you? Well, it’s not. Cat Daddy and I bought ourselves some hot-smoked salmon as a New Year treat. We took some to a friend’s house and ate it there, so that we could enjoy it in peace without being bullied and…
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Think back on your most memorable road trip. This road trip didn’t actually happen because the surplus cat was busted beforehand. But, had the little sod got away with it, it would have been a hell of an adventure. Can you picture this scenario: travelling to the vet in the car, opening up the transportation…
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Cat Daddy and I have just spent the weekend with his sister and brother-in-law. Part of that involved sorting through boxes of their dad’s belongings, some of which dated back to before World War II. Among the war memorabilia, the books and the letters, we found this photo: We always knew that he was a…
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What is your mission? To annoy the merde out of as many people as possible, and to have a great time doing it. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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Apart from the snow – which was only the lightest dusting, and it didn’t last – my one wish for 2026 was for Louis Catorze to stop escaping out at The Front every night. I wanted it so much that even lit a candle and whispered my wish to the spirits of the Wolf Moon…
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What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life? At fifteen and a half, Louis Catorze has already lived a much longer life than anyone ever expected of him. However, it’s unlikely that he has any thoughts on it. In fact, I highly doubt that he even knows (or cares) what…
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What is the only thing worse than not getting a snow bomb as promised? Everyone else getting a snow bomb apart from you, that’s what. My mum and sisters each had a light scattering of snow, enough to make their surroundings look pretty and for the kids to make snow angels, but there hasn’t been…
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What is the greatest gift someone could give you? A bit of peace, just once in a while, would be nice. But there’s no chance of that in this house. I swear that that black cat who gatecrashed Stonehenge on the winter solstice ripped a gaping hole in the space-time continuum because, ever since then,…
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Happy New Year to you all, and I hope that you spent New Year’s Eve doing exactly what you wanted to do. We did: I went to bed early like an old lady, and Cat Daddy and Louis Catorze stayed up late for a special, extended Boys’ Club. After not minding fireworks, then disliking them,…
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