louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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about
Month: Aug 2025
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Cat Daddy and I sat down to watch Brentford play Bournemouth a couple of nights ago. Because it was hot, we had the patio doors wide open and a mattress cover drying on the clothes horse outside. From the corner of my eye, I saw the mattress cover move. Then this happened. May I remind…
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How are you feeling right now? Honestly? I’m feeling quite relieved that someone else’s cats are bigger shites than mine. This doesn’t often happen so, please, just let me have my moment here. My sister and her family have been cast out of their living room due to a feline/murine takeover. Louis Catorze’s cat-cousin Otis…
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I am not impressed with the males of the household. A couple of nights ago, despite my strict instructions not to do so, Cat Daddy let Louis Catorze out at The Front “because he loves it there, and it’s not fair not to let him enjoy his summer” (?). (Cat Daddy used to say, “This…
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Merde. I have sustained the most middle-class of all injuries: a cut finger, whilst opening a bottle of port to make Cat Daddy a cocktail. (It was a Suburban, merci for asking: three parts whisky, one part each of rum and port, and a dash of Angostura bitters.) The resulting sticking plaster has added a…
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Tell us about the last thing you got excited about. Louis Catorze is an old man aged fifteen. We are starting to see that he’s slowing down physically – more laboured pitter-pattering, no more hunting (so far) – so you’d be forgiven for thinking that not much would cause him to even flick a whisker,…
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I have just caught Louis Catorze chewing on the flip-top lid of a water bottle. It’s not often that Cat Daddy and I buy single use water bottles, as we prefer refillable bottles, but I was caught out on a hot day when I’d forgotten to bring water, so I had to pop into Planet…
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We have two types of glove in our stash of Catorzian thyroid-medicating supplies: plastic ones and latex ones. I am in the habit of referring to them all as “plastic gloves” when describing administering the meds but, in fact, we have a mix of both. Until now, I have only used the latex ones and,…
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What do you love about where you live? There are many things that I love about Brentford. However, the best thing of all is the fact that you can ask for help anytime, and there are always people willing to offer it. Not long ago, the post below appeared on one of our neighbourhood social…
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How do you plan your goals? Louis Catorze’s single goal in life is to annoy us as much as possible, and this comes naturally to him. It requires absolutely zero effort. However, he is very flattered that his work comes across as planned. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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One of the things that I dislike about Catorzian Summer Time is that we see much less of Louis Catorze. One of the best parts of my morning routine was drinking green tea with Catorze on my lap. However, in the summer, I only ever see him briefly for breakfast and then he’s out. Sometimes…
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My sister and her kids came to stay last week, as you know, having seen the creative writing cat posts from Wednesday and Thursday. Cat Daddy and I don’t share a bedroom on account of his snoring so, when we have more than two overnight guests, one of us often sleeps on the sofa so…
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Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Eva, aged 9 *WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC REFERENCES TO MURDER.* DAY 1 Hour 1: silence. The cats still aren’t home. I honestly can’t believe my life is to sit and sit, alerting motion, and how much do I get paid? Nothing. Not a fart. Now…
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Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Azalea, aged 7 One day, a cow-cat called Roux had an idea, an amazing idea indeed. But first she had a sad sleep in a lonely box, waiting for her cubs to come back. She slept through the night, and when she awoke: “THUD!” Waiting…
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My Oura fitness tracker gives me a calorie burn target every day, based on the quality of sleep that it thinks I’ve had. And, a few days ago, I returned from a walk around the park, believing I had met my target but in fact I was twenty calories short. I decided to walk up…
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