louiscatorze.com

Je crie, donc je suis

recent posts

about

Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Apr 2025

  • La Quinceañera del Rey Sol

    Louis Catorze is fifteen today, putting him in the unglamorous yet hilarious “Geriatric” category: I was a little sad when I read that treating his hyperthyroidism would buy him another three to five years, because that really didn’t sound like much time. Then I remembered that he’s fifteen now so, in actual fact, that gives…

  • Un nouveau mode de vie (Partie 4)

    When considering treatments for Louis Catorze’s hyperthyroidism, we were offered the options of a pill, an oral liquid or a topical gel. I went for the gel on the grounds that at least Catorze wouldn’t be able spit it back at me, nor would he find inventive ways of pretending he’s ingested it when he…

  • Un nouveau mode de vie (Partie 3)

    If you’ve ever had to change the food of a fussy cat, don’t follow the usual advice, which is to phase it in gradually. If it’s mixed with something that they already like, of COURSE they’ll eat it, in the same way that I’d probably eat razor blades and asbestos if they were covered in…

  • Où la guêpe a passé, le moucheron demeure

    After joking about hornets’ nests in a previous blog post, I am astounded to report that we may actually have one.  Wasps keep randomly appearing in the house, usually in the same room and without any window having been open. I trapped a few and released them, thinking they were my friend’s friendly, do-gooder honey…

  • Un nouveau mode de vie (Partie 2) 

    Normally, at this point in the year, I would be ordering one portion of jambon de Bayonne from Ocado for Louis Catorze’s birthday, another from the Natoora deli in Chiswick as a back-up, and some jamón ibérico from Waitrose, just in case. However, because the little sod has just been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, it’s a…

  • Clouer ses couleurs au mât

    We have a Code Bleu situation here. Well, not HERE, but in CR4, the manor of Boots, usurper stepbrother of Antoine, Louis Catorze’s frère-from-another-mère.  Remember Boots and his penchant for losing his Chelsea collars? Well, he is now down to his last one, but we can’t buy him any more because the Chelsea Megastore is…

  • Je suis la Roux-surrection

    Nine Easters ago, distant enough not to be an everyday thought but still memorable enough for us to be furious when we think about it, Louis Catorze disappeared. He wasn’t gone for long and, these days, we know to leave it a good three days before worrying. But we understand that sinking feeling when you…

  • Un anneau pour les tous gouverner (Partie 2)

    Having an Oura ring is both a blessing and a curse. Not in a 50-50 kind of way, though. More like 30-70. Maybe 35-65, on a good day.  I wanted an Oura ring mainly for tracking my body temperature and my sleep. The fact that it also tracks, amongst other things, my stress levels, is…

  • Un nouveau mode de vie 

    Louis Catorze’s thyroid test result – the additional £67 one which was conducted a little after the others – is in, and it turns out that he has hyperthyroidism. Cat Daddy suggested some time ago that the constant screaming might be anxiety, and I said, “Of course it’s not. He has no reason to be…

  • On connaît le diable à ses griffes (Partie 2)

    What place in the world do you never want to visit? Why? Louis Catorze’s cat-cousin Rodan probably doesn’t want to go to the vet again, for obvious reasons. But, if he keeps up with his silly behaviour, that is exactly where he will end up.  Rodan was doing quite well in his recovery, after going…

  • Il n’y a pas de poisson sans arête (Partie 3) 

    When I told Cat Daddy that Louis Catorze didn’t eat his premium fish sautéd in goat’s butter, I thought he would be absolutely livid, with the Unrepeatable Expletives flowing like a burst dam.  However, instead he said, “Did you season it?” Sorry? So this is MY FAULT for creating a bland meal for our cat?…

  • Il n’y a pas de poisson sans arête (Partie 2) 

    What is your favourite restaurant? Louis Catorze favours any establishment which will allow patrons to send back their food limitless times, without explanation. Right now, that establishment is us. Although … can a place even call themselves a restaurant when the one and only customer refuses to actually EAT? Having watched Catorze attempt to eat…

  • Le sang, c’est la vie 

    Louis Catorze scratched up his face again, right after I said to someone, “Thank God he hasn’t scratched up his face again.”  Luckily it didn’t seem to be bothering him; right after doing the evil deed he went absolutely psycho, racing around, pouncing on random objects, leaping onto the shutters and so on. He even…

  • Il n’y a pas de poisson sans arête 

    Describe one positive change you have made in your life The fancy place from where we buy our Michelin-starred hot-smoked salmon, has just started selling fish offcuts for pets. And, unbelievably, it was Cat Daddy’s suggestion that we buy some for Louis Catorze. When it arrived, we were astounded at its quality: no skin, no…