louiscatorze.com

Je crie, donc je suis

recent posts

about

Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Jan 2025

  • La peur des hauteurs

    What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it? I thought, at his age, that Louis Catorze would be too scared to try death-defying acrobatics, on account of his creaky old bones. Yet here we are. I didn’t have to dare him, bribe him or even put…

  • Se plaindre de son sort

    What do you complain about the most? Louis Catorze has the whiniest, most irritating voice on this earth. The problem with this is that, when he uses his voice – and he uses it A LOT – we have no idea whether he’s complaining or not.  Our visitors, upon hearing his screams, often take pity…

  • Le sommeil est la meilleure des méditations

    Louis Catorze gave us a massive scare a few nights ago.  I walked into the living room, where he was sound asleep, and he didn’t stir in the way that cats do when someone makes a noise during their nap. I called his name, even poked him in the body, all to no avail. I…

  • Hurle, sers, mange, répète (Partie 3)

    Remember when Louis Catorze wouldn’t eat a piece of fish unless it was mushed up into an insipid paste? Curiously, this seems to be a selective affliction only affecting cat food. If said piece of fish happens to be hot-smoked salmon skin, for instance, he’s fine.  I know. Imagine that! We caught him out the…

  • Le bizarre incident des chats pendant la nuit

    Rodan and Mothra thoroughly enjoyed the festive season, when they were surrounded by people, and they have been feeling rather needy since everyone returned to their respective workplaces and schools.  Here they are, happily snuggled up in their human sister’s bed. But just look at Rodan, on her pillow:  Now, did he see an opportunity…

  • La baignoire royale 

    If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be? Despite playing dumb, our cat understands plenty. WE are the ones who need help in understanding HIS stupid shit. Cat Daddy and I don’t often have baths, because we much prefer showers. Yet, when I do have a bath, I have to wash…

  • L’eau, c’est la vie

    After learning about some of the gross things that are in tap water – if you don’t know, trust me, you’re better off not knowing – I decided to treat myself to an eco water filter. It’s eco because, instead of throwing away a plastic filter cartridge every few weeks, you open the cartridge, empty…

  • Hurle, sers, mange, répète (Partie 2)

    The last few weeks have been something of an experimental period, to try to establish a feeding routine for Louis Catorze now that he’s on wet food. This is what I’ve discovered:  In addition to all of the above, the new intake of wet food means a constant round of washing Catorze’s fancy Japanese ergonomic…

  • Le règne du vieux Roi

    Cat Daddy: “There’s a black cat in the garden! Come and look!” Me: “Where is it?” Him: “Up there, behind the forsythia.” Me: “That’s Louis.” Him: “No, it’s not.” Me: “It is! Look!” Him: “Oh my God, he’s supposed to be getting old. What’s he doing up there?” Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: Louis Catorze’s post-steroid…

  • Le portrait d’un bonhomme

    I follow Doug Thomas’s wonderful blog about his gorgeous cat Andy. Andy is a Persian with supposedly black fur, but he seems to reflect light differently every time he’s photographed and, as a result, he treats our eyes to a whole spectrum of glorious monochrome. He can go from Black Hole of Anti-Matter to Silverback…

  • Le bonheur est un grand puzzle dont nous possédons déjà toutes les pièces

    Come up with a crazy business idea. Jigsaw puzzles for cats? No, not ones that cats actually put together. Ones where they just lie on the pieces. Now, please hear me out. We all know about cats and cardboard boxes. And some of us know about cats and newspapers. But cats and jigsaw puzzles? Perhaps…

  • Pur comme la neige 

    The Met Office promised us Londoners an Arctic blast this week, and I’m disappointed – although not at all surprised – that we didn’t get one. Oh well. It can’t all be fun and games, like it is in the US. I love snow, and the way in which it transforms everything it touches into a…

  • And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges

    Most people in the UK took down their Christmas decorations at the start of this week. However, our tree is still up because it’s not being collected from the rental company until Sunday; somehow it seems silly to take off all the decorations and just leave a bare tree in the living room for a…

  • L’ange de la mort

    I would ordinarily be back at school today, but I’ve had a setback which required more surgery to fix it. This second round of recovery has been much harder than the original one, but I’ve been trying to take it easy and not do too much.  Usually Louis Catorze has very little tolerance for sick…