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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Dec 2024

  • Le recyclage commence par nous, mais il ne se termine jamais 

    Cat Daddy left some recycling in the hall, to be put outside as soon as we figure out what day it’s being collected. If your British friends aren’t replying to your messages, trust me, it’s because they’re trying to work this out, too. We’re all over the place when public holidays end up displacing Bin Day.…

  • Tu n’es pas obligé d’allumer le feu rouge

    I recently bought myself a lamp with a zillion different colour settings. However, I always have it on red, because red is said to counteract the negative effects of blue light from our phones, and to promote healing and relaxation. Yes, I know: since I live with Louis Catorze, I probably should have got a…

  • Hurle, sers, mange, répète

    We have all eaten well at Le Château over the last few days. Cat Daddy and I enjoyed our Christmas dinner, albeit a day late because I was sick on the 25th. The squirrels of TW8 have been feasting on some very old hazelnuts from the year before last, still in their shells, which Cat…

  • Le Seigneur de l’Anarchie 

    So the idea is that, if you’re good, Santa brings you gifts. And, if you’re naughty, Krampus wallops you with a stick, shoves you into a sack and carts you off to be eaten later. I’ve got that right, non?  Except, sometimes, it doesn’t work out that way. Sometimes you can be naughty and not…

  • Le retour de la lumière 

    It’s the winter solstice and, as ever, I tend to spend this time of year reflecting on the past twelve months. 2024 hasn’t really been the best, what with ill health, bereavement and suchlike, but at least next year has to be better, non? Louis Catorze sadly lost a couple of his (younger) comrades this…

  • Rockin’ around the Christmas tree (Partie 2)

    What was the last thing you did for play or fun? We have a winner in our Feline Tree-Destroying Race. However, although we have narrowed it down to a household, we still don’t know which cat was the guilty party. So it’s possible that both defendants may have to be acquitted. Here is the main…

  • Un chat accorde sa confiance à un homme

    Describe a man who has positively impacted your life. Louis Catorze loves men and, whenever groups of people visit us, he will seek out the gentlemen of the party. I don’t know a cat can know what a man is and what a woman is, but he does. Years ago, when he was off his…

  • Le chat noir et le sang rouge

    *WARNING: CONTAINS TALK OF BLOOD.* Merde: I have cut my thumb on a can of Louis Catorze’s wet food. You won’t be surprised to hear that this was because he was screaming and screaming at me as I struggled to open it and, in my fluster, my hand slipped.  If you’ve watched any action films,…

  • Le plaisir de manger

    It’s almost a year since The Great Salmon Grab, and I’m still being screamed at every time I prepare fish. Cat Daddy: “You know why it’s happening. You left salmon out for him.” That’s not what happened, but ok.  Cats can, apparently, lose their sense of smell as they grow older. Since Louis Catorze is…

  • Ni manger, ni vivre (Partie 20) 

    Part 20. Oh. Mon. Dieu.  What triggers Louis Catorze more than a room with Michelin-starred hot-smoked salmon in it? A room WITHOUT Michelin-starred hot-smoked salmon in it, it seems. Now that our mealtimes have been irreparably ruined, we are forced to shut ourselves away if we want to eat fish. Catorze screams and batters at…

  • Le sport est bien affaire de frissons 

    What are your favourite physical exercises or activities? Unfortunately the only exercise that I’m permitted to do, whilst recovering from my operation, is walking, five times a day. I started with five minutes each time, and this week I’m on six. Cat Daddy laughs at me for logging each five-to-six-minute walk on Strava, and says…

  • Le travail à domicile

    A couple of days ago, I had an online meeting with a student from my school. Usually I would not advocate working when on sick leave but, because this student needed help, and because he is super-nice, I was happy to do it.  As you know, Louis Catorze loves nothing more than to annihilate online…

  • Rockin’ around the Christmas tree 

    It’s December! (Well, ok, it was December a few days ago, but I didn’t bother to say so on the 1st.) Whilst dog people will be spending the festive season trying to stop their dogs from stealing deadly food, we cat people will be battling to keep our feline overlords from completely decimating our decorations. …

  • Mon chat veut me tuer

    I’ve been home for almost a week now, and I’m feeling ok but its been quite hard. It’s amazing the little things you take for granted until you suddenly find you can’t do them. You know, standing up, sitting down, putting your socks on, those kinds of things.  Louis Catorze continues to remind me that,…