louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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about
Month: Aug 2024
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Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the postman — and write a post based on their responses. We approached Ocado for their comments on life servicing the household of Louis Catorze, but they’re not replying to our emails. I wonder why? Could the reason be this? Or possibly this? Perhaps I’m overthinking…
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A couple of days ago I saw Louis Catorze sitting at the back door, screaming, because he couldn’t get in. And, when I say, “couldn’t get in”, I mean that the cleaner had just mopped the floor and he didn’t want to get his feet wet. I know. So he just sat at the back…
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In today’s edition of Things We Used To Be Able To Eat But Now Can’t: sea bass rillettes. I thought I was so clever, waiting until Louis Catorze had gone outside before deciding to have sea bass rillettes for lunch. But, as soon as I opened the jar, I heard the telltale click of the…
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You know this already, but I had to post about it again because it never fails to blow my mind. And I’m sure this won’t be the last time. Louis Catorze will do it again and make it even weirder, I’m sure of it. We’ve had a lot of rain this weekend. In fact, yesterday…
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Tell us about the last thing you got excited about PART SIX. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Well, this prompt is easy for Louis Catorze for answer: it was salmon. Yes, again. Remember when I told you that we could no longer eat smoked salmon in this house ever again? Well, it seems that not even bog-standard…
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The night after his full moon shenanigans, Louis Catorze was a transformed cat: calm, relaxed and, dare I say it, quiet. Cat Daddy: “Were you just showing off last night, Louis? Just because we had a friend round?” Catorze: “Mwah!” Just as a tree falling in a forest makes no sound if people aren’t around…
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As you are aware, Louis Catorze is visibly more unhinged than usual when it’s a full moon, so much so that I don’t even need to check my moon phase app; his behaviour is enough of an indicator. Last night we had a Blue Supermoon. I don’t understand what one is exactly, but that’s irrelevant;…
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We have a Code Rouge situation at Le Château: a mosquito in the room. It has dive-bombed and bitten me about 5,872 times in the last half hour but Louis Catorze, who is on my lap, is doing absolutely nothing about it. The little sod has been known to jump off my lap and run…
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At the start of the week, the chat-sitteur who looked after Louis Catorze whilst we were in Scotland, came round for dinner with her lovely family. Catorze was happy to see her, but BESIDE HIMSELF to spend time with her brother (no great surprise there as he, erm, prefers the company of gentlemen). And, luckily,…
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Oh. Mon. Dieu. I have just accidentally pocket-called Ocado whilst feeding Blue the Smoke Bengal (whose mamma is away). So one of their delivery drivers now has a six-minute message from me, telling him what a gorgeous, meaty boy he is. Cat Daddy, when I told him later: “Can’t you just delete it?” Oh my.…
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What brings you peace? Peace? In this house? You must be joking. A few days ago, a video popped up on my social media feed entitled, “How to tell if your cat is spoilt”. Obviously I need to contact Meta and ask them to check their algorithms, because that couldn’t have been intended for me.…
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*WARNING: CONTAINS UNPLEASANT REFERENCES TO PUKE* We came home after a night out to find a nice pile of cat puke on the bed. Louis Catorze has never thrown up on a bed before, not once in ten years. And, because we didn’t know it had happened, it had seeped through the duvet cover and…
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Describe your life in an alternate universe Part 5. Holy hell. In the 1998 film Sliding Doors, PR executive Helen misses a train; we see how her life unfolds after that, as well as seeing an alternate universe in which she DID catch the train. I look back upon The Great Salmon Grab and long…
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I have just witnessed a squirrel screaming at Louis Catorze, and I think it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Initially, when I heard the sound, I thought it was a magpie or a crow. I wouldn’t ordinarily bother to investigate such sounds, because I know that Catorze probably started it and that…
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