What animals make the best/worst pets?
I don’t know enough about all the different animals in the world to know which are the best pets. But kittens are the worst, without a doubt.
I can’t deny that my sister’s new kittens, Mothra and Rodan, are cute. But then all psychopaths have an initial superficial charm, don’t they?
Here is a list of things that my sister and her family can no longer do, on account of sharing a house with kittens:
1. Eat food (because all food is kitten food).
2. Drink drinks (because all drinks are kitten drinks).
3. Work on the laptop (because tapping fingers are toys).
4. Move their feet (because toes are toys).
5. Move their heads (because hair is toys).
6. Blink (because eyelashes are hair; see previous point).
7. Clean the floor (because the Roomba is a toy).
8. Have nice things (because nice things are both toys and claw-exercising apparatus).
The humans of the household have also told me that Rodan, the Chat Noir, is naughtier than his sister, the tabby. I know. Who’d have thought it?
I’m convinced that this is all a big feline conspiracy: we tolerate kittens’ stupid shit in the hope that they might grow out of it, then, when they’re much older, the harder-to-prove psychological torture starts, by which time we’re too worn down to do anything about it.
People often tell me that Louis Catorze as a kitten would have been adorable. Erm, the same size as he is now, but with more energy? No, thank you.
I’m sending my sister thoughts and prayers. Although maybe vodka would be more useful.
louiscatorze.com 
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