Our under-floor heating has malfunctioned again, right in the middle of our cold snap. This meant another visit from Chris the heating engineer, which was good news for Louis Catorze as he loves men. Family members, friends, delivery drivers, tradesmen, random passers-by, trick-or-treating youths … Catorze will happily accept cuddles from any or all of the above.
When Chris arrived, Catorze was outside on Rodent Duty. However, when he realised that there was a new man in his Château, he raced in, screaming.
Catorze: “Mwah! Mwah! Mwahhhhh!”
Me: “Oh. Erm, sorry about our cat. He loves it when visitors come, especially men.”
Chris: “Really? It’s usually the opposite with cats. They run away from me.”
Catorze: “‘MWAHHHHH!”
Chris then took an infra-red gadget from his bag – the same kind of gadget that they use on ghost-hunting programmes to detect temperature changes – and paced around the kitchen with it facing down towards the floor. He then said, “Look at the cat!” and pointed it at Catorze, who was sitting and creepy-staring at him.
I swear to Goddess: Catorze’s body on the screen was deep teal blue, as stone-cold as the floor around him, with heat radiating just from his red eyes.
Me: “Why isn’t he hot all over? Why is the heat just in that one place?”
Chris: “Strange. It’s just his eyes, isn’t it?”
Me: “…”
Him: “…”
Catorze: “Mwah!”
Chris left quite quickly after that.
I wish I’d taken a photo of what the gadget was showing us. That said, you have all known for years that Sa Maj is not of this world, non?
louiscatorze.com 
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