louiscatorze.com

Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Nov 2023

  • Le chat voyant

    If you could meet a historical figure, who would it be and why? It would be the person who invented tarot cards. Mainly so that I could apologise to them for this. One of my friends gave me a set of black cat tarot cards for my birthday, and each one looks like Louis Catorze,…

  • La seule chose qui peut rendre la vie moderne mystérieuse ou merveilleuse

    It’s been two months since Louis Catorze’s last steroid shot. He’s only allowed a maximum of one per month, and there have been times when I’ve anxiously checked my calendar, desperate to take him for the next one, to find that it’s only been three weeks and we somehow have to hang on for a…

  • L’âge ne compte pas sauf si on est un fromage

    Every time I look at Louis Catorze, I think, “Aww. Our little boy has a heart murmur.” And he looks back at me, most likely thinking, “Oh, it’s you. Why are you still here?” People have been asking after him and feeling quite sorry for him, but his symptoms so far have been screaming, demanding…

  • L’araignée ne connaît que le monde de sa toile

    If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Anywhere but these green bits: One of my blog followers, who lives in Oklahoma, told me that their cats would bring in tarantulas, dead and undead. They told me this a long time ago – some years, in fact – but it’s not…

  • Ce n’est pas sorcier

    My last blog post received quite the rapturous reception from my followers. As a tribute to the vigilante cats, I asked Bing’s AI bot to create a picture of them, along with their comrade Hunter, Scourge of Rottweilers (centre). I hope that they are strutting around kitty heaven looking just like this: In other news,…

  • Je me suis battu contre les chats et les chats ont gagné

    Every so often, I read a cat story that utterly lights up my life. Last week I had one of those moments. I follow a brilliant blog written by a gentleman called Louis Carreras – no, not because his name is Louis, but because he’s a great writer and I always learn new words from…

  • Il n’y a pas de plus beau poème que de vivre pleinement

    What is good about having a pet? It might not be the best time for me to answer this prompt, since we have just returned home from taking Louis Catorze for his booster vaccination. If you have ever had to take an animal to a vet, you will know just how dire it can be:…

  • Les yeux sans visage

    Hallowe’en may be over, but Louis Catorze is still creeping the hell out of us. When you’re a black cat, you are able to blend seamlessly into darkness. We know this; we have kicked Catorze about 9,742 times in the dark because we didn’t realise he was there. You would be forgiven, therefore, for thinking…

  • Devant un écran

    How do you manage screen time for yourself? Quite simply, I can’t and I don’t. And, of every one of the 836 hours per day that I spend on my phone, 736 are spent on WordPress documenting Louis Catorze’s stupid shit. (The other 100 are spent messaging people to complain about his stupid shit, and…

  • El alebrije

    I’m a little late to this particular party as I’ve only just found this out, but it’s too good not to post. Just when we thought cats were the biggest sods on the planet, a dog makes us question ourselves by invading the pitch during a League Two football match in Mexico and stealing the…

  • He keeps his jambon de Bayonne in his pretty cabinet

    What’s something you believe everyone should know? Remember when Louis Catorze hated the guitar? Yeah, well, he still does. In fact, there are times when he actually seems scared of it, and he scarpers as soon as he sees Cat Daddy reaching for it. Yes, that’s right: the little sod will happily take on larger…

  • Mamma, they’re sure hard to handle

    These few days post-Hallowe’en have been pretty awful. I have been ill with a monstrous cold (not Covid but easily as bad), and Le Château seems bare and bereft with the decorations all put away for another year. Luckily there are cats to cheer us up. Not my cat, obviously. Mine is highly affronted that…

  • Un chat domestiqué?

    Hallowe’en came and went, and Louis Catorze delivered us the biggest scare imaginable: he behaved. I know. Take all the time you need to absorb that information. Our first trick-or-treaters came knocking not long after 5pm. Many of them commented on our “Beware of the black cat” pumpkin, at which point Cat Daddy would approach…