louiscatorze.com

Je crie, donc je suis

Month: Sep 2023

  • Puppy Mamma and Puppy Daddy had twins last year. So their household now consists of two grown-ups, two babies, Nala the dog AND Gizzy the [insert name of species]. Louis Catorze loves kids but isn’t a fan of babies; he’s met a couple in the past and is confused by them. The minute they see…

  • What things give you energy? This kind of thing DRAINS me of energy. Will that do? I can hear cat fight sounds coming from the Zone Libre right now. Now, most cat owners would immediately rush to intervene if they found themselves in this situation, but not me. Firstly, I know that Louis Catorze can…

  • On Saturday, Cat Daddy invited two of his friends over for lunch. I hadn’t met them before but, since they were coming all the way from Italy just to watch our football team, I was pretty sure that I’d like them. As soon as they arrived, Louis Catorze came pitter-pattering down the hallway. Our guests…

  • It’s autumn. If you have been following Le Blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I like autumn. A LOT. The air isn’t quite as crisp and autumnal right now as I’d like, but the summer humidity is no more (thank goodness), and most normal cats might be starting to retreat…

  • Cat Daddy and I are still reeling from the butchery that took place during our absence. To add insult to injury, far from being contrite, Louis Catorze didn’t show his face for a good hour or two after our return. We even wondered whether the chat-sitteur had taken him with her, but then we realised…

  • Cat Daddy and I are away at the moment, and the same chat-sitting friend who looked after Louis Catorze in July is looking after him again. We went away utterly unconcerned and full of confidence that everything would go well; after all, one of the good things about Catorze is that, despite being a massive…

  • Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever travelled from home. Our part of west London was in the news last week, due to an inmate who absconded from Wandsworth prison. After much fuss and police helicopters hovering through the night, he was finally recaptured in, erm, Chiswick. Had I known he’d be there, I…

  • What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it? The last thing I Googled was “Is my cat a psychopath?” The reasons are pretty obvious. And the sheer number of results indicates that others have clearly been there before me (with their own cats, I mean, not with mine),…

  • On Saturday it was the hottest day of the year in the U.K., beating the record which was set, erm, the previous Thursday. Cat Daddy and I absolutely hated it, and cursed all the people who complained about the short-lived summer (yes, the heatwave is YOUR FAULT). But, for Louis Catorze, it was business as…

  • Cat Daddy and I have booked a course of music theory classes with our guitar teacher, to supplement our guitar lessons. We’ve just attended a Zoom taster session, with a view to starting the full set of classes properly the week after next. As you are aware, Louis Catorze is an utter pest on Zoom…

  • Louis Catorze wasn’t on my bed when I woke up a couple of mornings ago. I went downstairs, made my usual pot of green tea and read my book, but there was a cat-shaped space on my lap where Catorze would ordinarily be. This was highly unusual. When I took a cup of tea up…

  • Why do you blog? You know when you’re the victim of a covert, gaslighting bully, and your friends say, “Document every single incident”? Yeah. That.

  • How are you feeling right now? Ah, the joys of buying a new phone and seamlessly swapping all your shit over from the old one. Well, when I say “joys”, I mean the opposite. And when I say “seamlessly”, I mean the opposite of that, too. Anyone who has ever upgraded their phone will know…

  • When it comes to hunting, Louis Catorze commits to it for a few days, then does nothing for months. This is both good (it’s not a daily occurrence) and bad (just when we think he’s grown too old for it, we have the shock of another headless mouse with the blood drained from its body).…