Which activities make you lose track of time?
We all know that Louis Catorze can tell the time; look here, here, here and here for examples of when he has proven this. And, after a few days of living with our chat-sitteur whilst we were in Scotland, he worked out what time her alarm went off and ensured that he started the screaming just beforehand.
However … are they actually capable of altering the passage of time? Or is that a step too far, even for a black vampire cat with demon/alien ancestry?
If you have ever experienced any of these, could the cat(s) have been responsible?
⁃ A peaceful night uninterrupted by a cat – if, indeed, you are lucky enough to experience one of these at all – despite the fact that you live with a cat (Feels Like*: 60 minutes, maximum).
⁃ Being TUC with a cup of tea on a cold, miserable work day morning (Feels Like: 3-5 minutes to you, longer to the cat).
⁃ The vet administering any kind of pill to your cat (Feels Like: 0.4 seconds).
*In the U.K., they often tell us the temperature but then add “Feels Like: [a different number altogether].” We Brits can only really relate to temperatures below 0°C and those above 27°C, so telling us that this morning it’s 10°C but feels like 5°C means absolutely nothing.
And, if any of these are familiar to you, perhaps you have unknowingly fallen victim to the little sods messing with time in the opposite direction:
⁃ A fitful night interrupted repeatedly by a cat (Feels Like: forever, or longer if it’s a full moon).
⁃ Being TUC when you’re desperate for the loo (Feels Like: variable depending on weight of cat and distance from loo, although even gossamer-light cats can make one paw exert horrendous pressure when it pushes on your abdomen).
⁃ You administering, or attempting to administer, that same pill that appeared to take the vet 0.4 seconds (Feels Like: forever³).
I once had a deeply religious colleague who would say that the feeling of time speeding up, with weeks appearing to pass like days, was a sign of Armageddon approaching. Cats are known Masters of the Dark Arts, so why WOULDN’T they hypnotise both us and time itself through some unseen power?
Where will this end: in a universal feline uprising? Or, as my ex-colleague predicted, in Armageddon? Are they even different things?
louiscatorze.com 
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