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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Jul 2023

  • Le long voyage vers la nuit

    Louis Catorze’s trip to the vet on Friday gave us a few surprises. In typical Catorzian style, he was loud. However, we weren’t quite expecting the, erm, VARIETY of screams uttered when we did the Walk of Horror across the park. Even Cat Daddy flinched at one of them and said, “Eurgh. That’s not a…

  • Au revoir, adieu, auf Wiedersehen, bonne nuit

    What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being? In addition to enjoying the best food (Orijen and Cool Cat Club) and taking plenty of exercise in and beyond the grounds of Le Château, Louis Catorze stays well with regular trips to his royal physician. Sadly, she is about to leave her post…

  • Devinez qui est de retour, encore de retour

    Cat Daddy and I returned home on Sunday evening. Upon arrival we were greeted by the chat-sitteur, who regaled us with tales of Louis Catorze’s almost-exemplary* behaviour during her stay at Le Château. He made a particular impression on her boyfriend, who declared that he’d “never met a cat like this before”. Yup. We know…

  • Se pavaner la tête haute

    Who is your favourite historical figure? It won’t be a surprise to learn that it’s Louis XIV, the Sun King. On the other hand, what may be surprising is the number of common points that Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, shares with his human counterpart: 1. Becoming king at the age of four:…

  • Cat People (Putting Out Fire*)

    *Most likely because a cat started it. Dogs or cats? A colleague and I were once talking about dating. No, not the two of us dating each other, but about dating as a general concept and, more specifically, what people ought to reveal about themselves on the first date. I added, “Most blokes would be…

  • Oh la vache!

    What bothers you and why? Bugs. The ones I can see, the ones that I can’t, the ones that are there AND the ones that aren’t. The Scottish midges have, despite everyone’s warnings, been scarce so far. The kamikaze horseflies, on the other hand, have left life-changing scars. They like the taste of Cat Daddy…

  • Si vous voulez écrire, ayez des chats

    The above is a quote from Aldous Huxley. Here he is with his cat, Limbo, which is possibly the best cat name ever (apart from Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, of course): I brought a handful of books on holiday (although no Huxley this time) and am about to start reading my second…

  • Le boucher de Brentford

    What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten? *WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF MURDER AND DEATH* I would love to be able to answer this question with “Jambon de Bayonne” or “organic aged Comté from the local cheese deli”, giving the message that Louis Catorze is a cultured gentleman with a sophisticated palate. However, these…

  • Le col du chat

    Remember Boots and his wardrobe of Chelsea collars? Well, it’s been around four months since Sa Maj gifted six collars to his ami, and the big sod has already lost three of them. I know that not everyone thinks collars are a good idea for cats, but Boots really, really needs one. As well as…

  • Les chats sauvages

    Describe your most memorable holiday. I have zero memory for places I’ve been to, so my most recent holiday will have to do. And it’s so recent that, erm, we’re still here! Cat Daddy and I are in the same part of the Scottish Highlands that we visited last year, and I’m writing this post…

  • L’herbe mortelle

    What are your daily habits? In the summer months, they mostly involve efforts to escape the evil pollen: lighting beeswax candles, swallowing antihistamines, applying eye drops, that kind of thing. Fun! However, I haven’t had much success, and this is mostly Louis Catorze’s fault. If you share a house with an animal who goes outdoors…

  • Personne ne me contrôle; je suis incontrôlable

    It’s our last guitar lesson of the term tomorrow, and we are going to take our teacher out for a drink. We really love our lessons, so we will miss them during the summer break. We are not sure that our teacher will feel the same, but tant pis. When I was practising the guitar…

  • Il porte un tutu framboise

    If cats had taglines*, what would yours be? *I thought this said “tagines” at first, and was about to reply, “Clay, glazed, not cast iron and DEFINITELY not plebby aluminium.”. Well, it’s not so much a tagline as an earworm. I apologise in advance for the fact that, after you read this, you, too, will…

  • Car je suis libre, rien ne m’inquiète

    Merci à Dieu: it’s the summer holidays. I was looking forward to relaxing, but Louis Catorze has other ideas and has been absolutely wired, burning off about 3% of his excess energy on ICB and using the other 97% on us throughout the night. One night he was especially beastly, waking us countless times by…