Tag: cat
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I’m in hospital at the moment, having just had intense but standard (and planned) surgery. However, because they had to switch last-minute from The Simple Version to The Complicated Version of this particular procedure, I’m here for an extra night. Cat Daddy has been in to visit me. However, Louis Catorze hasn’t even noticed that…
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*WARNING: CONTAINS TALK OF DEATH AND GENERAL CREEPINESS.* A few days ago, Cat Daddy was watching television in the kitchen when Louis Catorze raced past him and clattered out through the cat flap. It turned out that there was a much larger (but then all cats are much larger than Catorze) tuxedo cat in the…
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I don’t know whether to wear a black armband or to raise a glass of something suitably solemn* to mark the fact that we are now up to Part 10 of this sorry saga. I may well do both. *Is there such a thing as a solemn alcoholic drink, or is this something that only…
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How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals? My only goal in life is to sleep, and anyone who struggles to sleep will understand this. A good night’s sleep doesn’t simply make me feel better; it makes LIFE feel better. On those precious, rare days when I’ve slept well,…
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I have been a little worried about Louis Catorze these last few days and, when Cat Daddy asked me at what point we should take him to the vet, I knew that he was worried, too. As well as looking very thin, Catorze seemed to be moving around cautiously, as if his body were made…
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Are you superstitious? I firmly believe that, if a black vampire cat comes your way, bad things will happen.
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Write a letter to your 100-year-old self According to those charts which convert human years to cat years, Louis Catorze will be a hundred years old in 2031. (And I know that, when Cat Daddy reads this, he will say that Catorze looks a hundred years old right now.) 2031 is actually not THAT far…
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When Jean-Paul Sartre said “Hell is other people”, he had obviously never put ear drops into the ears of a cat who really, really didn’t want them. Sartre ought to have known better – after all, he had a cat (famously named “Rien”, French for “nothing”). Obviously Simone de Beauvoir was the one who took…
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You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence? “It was the worst of times.”
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If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why? Can you ban a word from the English language even if it wasn’t a proper word in the first place? If so, “nother” needs to go. It’s just silly. An example of that non-word in a context that we…
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What is your favourite drink? Louis Catorze doesn’t have a repertoire of drinks, and is only allowed water. Well, you’ve seen what he’s like on just water – would you really want to see him on absinthe shots or cask-strength whisky? (Ok, I know that some of you would, just for the entertainment value. But,…
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Saint Jésus et tous ses anges: Louis Catorze is eating normally. Nobody understands why he’s conceded, but he has, and we will happily take it. I am so glad I didn’t follow the stupid advice of my friends – YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE – who told me to just give him the Michelin-starred hot-smoked…
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Shadow the black Labrador’s folks have given me a cat modelling kit. It is designed to be for human use (obviously), not for cats, but Louis Catorze has decided that the plasticine effigy of him is his new favourite toy. He has knocked it to the floor at least 5,317 times since I made it…
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Although The Great Salmon Grab was ages ago, its effects have been hard-hitting and far-reaching. Louis Catorze is eating, but there is something strange about the way he’s doing it. I once described it as “reluctant”, but that implies a certain – albeit very low – level of cooperation, and this isn’t really what’s happening.…
louiscatorze.com 