louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
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What do you love about where you live? There are many things that I love about Brentford. However, the best thing of all is the fact that you can ask for help anytime, and there are always people willing to offer it. Not long ago, the post below appeared on one of our neighbourhood social…
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How do you plan your goals? Louis Catorze’s single goal in life is to annoy us as much as possible, and this comes naturally to him. It requires absolutely zero effort. However, he is very flattered that his work comes across as planned. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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One of the things that I dislike about Catorzian Summer Time is that we see much less of Louis Catorze. One of the best parts of my morning routine was drinking green tea with Catorze on my lap. However, in the summer, I only ever see him briefly for breakfast and then he’s out. Sometimes…
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My sister and her kids came to stay last week, as you know, having seen the creative writing cat posts from Wednesday and Thursday. Cat Daddy and I don’t share a bedroom on account of his snoring so, when we have more than two overnight guests, one of us often sleeps on the sofa so…
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Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Eva, aged 9 *WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC REFERENCES TO MURDER.* DAY 1 Hour 1: silence. The cats still aren’t home. I honestly can’t believe my life is to sit and sit, alerting motion, and how much do I get paid? Nothing. Not a fart. Now…
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Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Azalea, aged 7 One day, a cow-cat called Roux had an idea, an amazing idea indeed. But first she had a sad sleep in a lonely box, waiting for her cubs to come back. She slept through the night, and when she awoke: “THUD!” Waiting…
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My Oura fitness tracker gives me a calorie burn target every day, based on the quality of sleep that it thinks I’ve had. And, a few days ago, I returned from a walk around the park, believing I had met my target but in fact I was twenty calories short. I decided to walk up…
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Although I am very lucky to be able to go to such beautiful places on holiday, I really enjoy being back home. One thing I am not enjoying, however, is having to administer Louis Catorze’s thyroid medication. Two weeks away from it has made me forget just how non-fun it is. That said, it’s interesting…
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Have you heard that saying: “You’re only ever one mouse click away from cats and their bullshittery”? Meet Pumpkin: In a truly exploitative fashion that only a cat could get away with, Pumpkin conned her way into someone’s house (including a break-and-enter through an upper floor window at 3am, scaring the merde out of the…
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How would you describe yourself to someone? Louis Catorze would probably describe himself as a very fine cat indeed. However, we know that this is a lie. It’s 17:05 on Sunday, and Cat Daddy and I returned home from our holiday almost an hour ago. Louis Catorze was in his favourite place, atop the back…
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What’s the story behind your nickname? Anyone with the name “Butthole” surely has some explaining to do? Even more so, if this were a real name and not a nickname? Now, please hear me out. Cat Daddy and I are lucky enough to have a whisky distillery just a few minutes’ walk from our holiday…
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I usually go to bed early and wake up early, whereas Cat Daddy is late to bed and late to rise. And, during our holiday, we have kept to these patterns; I am the lark and he is the nightingale, with our respective time zones about three hours apart. When Cat Daddy was having his…
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After a dog interlude and a seagull interlude, it’s time for Le Blog to return to cats. But not Louis Catorze – at least, not just yet. This time it’s Mittens, a famous Stornoway cat who, sadly, is no longer with us, but she remains very firmly rooted in local residents’ hearts and minds. Mittens…
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The Outer Hebrides really are just like heaven. In fact, if, indeed, heaven exists, rather than clouds and pearly gates and angels playing harps, we imagine it to be the same as one’s regular life but without the shit bits, just like in that book The Lovely Bones. If we were in heaven we would…
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