louiscatorze.com

Je crie, donc je suis

Category: Uncategorized

  • Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life. We’re finding them anything but simple, but Cat Daddy and I are enjoying our guitar lessons and, happily, there have been no further Code Brun incidents. We have lost all sensation in our left hands, but at least we are now 0.1% less…

  • I found Louis Catorze’s mouse on the afternoon of that incident. Luckily I didn’t have to search under the bed because, erm, the flies very helpfully guided me to where I needed to look. And it had no head, which either means that he has a taste for them (ugh) or I need to start…

  • I am prepared to cut Louis Catorze some slack when it’s a full moon; there’s no way that a black vampire cat CANNOT be affected by it so, sometimes, maybe he just can’t help it (whatever “it” may be). However, when the moon is in its NEW* phase, it’s more difficult. *This is not a…

  • Who would you like to talk to soon? If you have a spare 729 hours, type “Fluent Pet Buttons” into YouTube. (Merci, Raven. This is all your fault.) If you are sensible and daren’t do this, don’t worry; reading this post will give you enough information whilst also saving you from the abyss. (I am…

  • After a week or so of assaulting Louis Catorze with hands covered in coconut oil – which he really didn’t like – his fur was 88% greasier than before, and the dandruff was 0.01% better. However, when I gave him his spot-on treatment, things miraculously improved. A friend told me that her cats had a…

  • How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen? Unplug what? My internet router? Well, this incident brought me pretty close: On Saturday I received a yellow card from the Facebook Gestapo for a comment that contravened The Rules by “inciting violence”. They were referring to my…

  • If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Similarly, if Orijen is placed in a cat’s bowl and he is not around to witness the serving, does the food even exist? Having given this question the lengthy consideration that it deserves, Louis Catorze says…

  • Do you have any collections? Louis Catorze’s fur collects everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, whether animal, vegetable or mineral. Part of the appeal of black cats is that their fur supposedly doesn’t show up the dirt in the same way that white cats’ fur does, but Catorze’s coat attracts crud just as a magnet attracts…

  • On Saturday, Cat Daddy and I went to a fancy dress party. We dressed as goths, mainly because we, erm, already had most of the clothes. As part of our costumes we painted our nails black, something to which Cat Daddy only agreed on the basis that I had the wherewithal to remove the nail…

  • Are you a leader or a follower? Oh, please. Le Roi is insulted that we would even ask.

  • Today is Dracula Day, which celebrates the anniversary of the publication of Bram Stoker’s iconic novel. I loved it when I read it years ago, and it remains my favourite book of all time. Louis Catorze was perfectly placed for an Official Dracula Day Portrait – sitting beneath our Count Dracula decoration – when Cat…

  • After tiring of waking up every morning looking as if my face had been put through a trouser press (younger followers: ask your parents), I recently bought a couple of sets of those satin pillowcases. If you haven’t seen them, they’re a bit 1980s and not the most attractive of objects, but they are supposed…

  • What does freedom mean to you? Anything but this: Cat Daddy and I were lying in bed one morning, catching up on Match of the Day. Suddenly, he put down his cup of tea and said, “Nooooo!” Me: “What’s wrong?” Him: “Didn’t you hear it?” Me: “What?” Him: “The pitter-patter.” Louis Catorze then jumped onto…

  • What gives you direction in life? Louis Catorze does. However, at the moment that direction seems to be “downwards”. I hardly ever see him these days. No more does he settle across my stomach and cuddle me until I fall asleep, no more is he the first person I see when I wake up, and…