louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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The night after his full moon shenanigans, Louis Catorze was a transformed cat: calm, relaxed and, dare I say it, quiet. Cat Daddy: “Were you just showing off last night, Louis? Just because we had a friend round?” Catorze: “Mwah!” Just as a tree falling in a forest makes no sound if people aren’t around…
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As you are aware, Louis Catorze is visibly more unhinged than usual when it’s a full moon, so much so that I don’t even need to check my moon phase app; his behaviour is enough of an indicator. Last night we had a Blue Supermoon. I don’t understand what one is exactly, but that’s irrelevant;…
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We have a Code Rouge situation at Le Château: a mosquito in the room. It has dive-bombed and bitten me about 5,872 times in the last half hour but Louis Catorze, who is on my lap, is doing absolutely nothing about it. The little sod has been known to jump off my lap and run…
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At the start of the week, the chat-sitteur who looked after Louis Catorze whilst we were in Scotland, came round for dinner with her lovely family. Catorze was happy to see her, but BESIDE HIMSELF to spend time with her brother (no great surprise there as he, erm, prefers the company of gentlemen). And, luckily,…
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Oh. Mon. Dieu. I have just accidentally pocket-called Ocado whilst feeding Blue the Smoke Bengal (whose mamma is away). So one of their delivery drivers now has a six-minute message from me, telling him what a gorgeous, meaty boy he is. Cat Daddy, when I told him later: “Can’t you just delete it?” Oh my.…
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What brings you peace? Peace? In this house? You must be joking. A few days ago, a video popped up on my social media feed entitled, “How to tell if your cat is spoilt”. Obviously I need to contact Meta and ask them to check their algorithms, because that couldn’t have been intended for me.…
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*WARNING: CONTAINS UNPLEASANT REFERENCES TO PUKE* We came home after a night out to find a nice pile of cat puke on the bed. Louis Catorze has never thrown up on a bed before, not once in ten years. And, because we didn’t know it had happened, it had seeped through the duvet cover and…
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Describe your life in an alternate universe Part 5. Holy hell. In the 1998 film Sliding Doors, PR executive Helen misses a train; we see how her life unfolds after that, as well as seeing an alternate universe in which she DID catch the train. I look back upon The Great Salmon Grab and long…
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I have just witnessed a squirrel screaming at Louis Catorze, and I think it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Initially, when I heard the sound, I thought it was a magpie or a crow. I wouldn’t ordinarily bother to investigate such sounds, because I know that Catorze probably started it and that…
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Describe one habit that brings you joy Louis Catorze LOVES going out in the rain. Nobody understands it, but he does. After a few utterly unbearable days of heat, it has finally started to rain. The vast majority of Catorze’s kills take place during storms, so we await the next few days with some trepidation.…
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(HOW are we up to Part 4 of this?) Since The Great Salmon Grab, Cat Daddy and I have been very nervous about buying hot-smoked salmon again. We took some on holiday to Scotland, and bought more whilst up there, but we haven’t really had the experience of attempting to eat it at home with…
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How would you describe yourself to someone who couldn’t see you? Louis Catorze wouldn’t need to. Anyone who couldn’t see him would certainly hear him and, after that, they probably wouldn’t want any further information. Last week we bumped into our chat-sitteur in the pub, and we chatted about our holiday and her time trapped…
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Was today typical? Typical of what? If we mean typical of what would happen to most people most of the time, I hope not. But typical of the usual shite that happens here? Most likely, yes. Louis Catorze has just dipped his tail into my tea. This has happened before but, on this occasion, he…
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On Friday night, Cat Daddy and I watched the opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics. If you missed it, just chug a couple of shots of overproof vodka and watch back-to-back episodes of Dr Who (from the 1970s, not recent ones) on YouTube, and you’ll have a similar experience. And, if you fancy a giggle,…
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