louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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I have just had to eat my dinner* with my plate balanced on my left knee, and with my right leg repeatedly kicking away a screaming cat. *It was chicken fajitas topped with sour cream and cheese, merci for asking. Every time I kicked, he came back for more. Despite only being the size of…
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One of my friends has just been over for our annual cemetery visit and horror fest. (I’m not joking: this is actually what we do together, every October, and it’s become a much-loved tradition.) Because she has chat-sat Louis Catorze in the past, he knows her well and loves her visits, so I fully expected…
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*WARNING: CONTAINS TALK OF DEATH AND GENERAL CREEPINESS.* A few days ago, Cat Daddy was watching television in the kitchen when Louis Catorze raced past him and clattered out through the cat flap. It turned out that there was a much larger (but then all cats are much larger than Catorze) tuxedo cat in the…
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A few nights ago, I had to turf a very indignant Louis Catorze off my lap to answer the door. It was a lady that I’d never seen before. Lady: “Hello, I live at number sixty-three [or whatever number it was – I was so mortified at being caught out in my pyjamas at 8pm…
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Discovery Plus, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One of those ways is Ghost Town Terror, a series about a family who buy an abandoned pioneer ranch in Montana. They find a mummified cat in the crawl space under one of the buildings and, from that moment onwards, in addition to…
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You’ve always known that Louis Catorze is a creepy little sod. However, I’m about to show you an example of kitty creepiness that is common among all of them. ALL OF THEM. They may not always demonstrate it but it’s there, lying dormant until it suddenly breaks through the surface at a moment when you…
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Which topics would you like to be more informed about? Our vet recently posted this on social media, and I want to know more: Clearly there was An Incident that triggered this post, and I am overjoyed to be able to say, with absolute sincerity, that it was nothing to do with my cat this…
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Saint Jésus, Marie et Joseph, et le petit âne: Louis Catorze just went for a piece of smoked Comté on our cheese board, RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Furthermore I’m ashamed to admit that this happened right in front of Cat Daddy and me, and we were too slow to stop it. No, we weren’t…
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When Cat Daddy and I went to Scotland, we bought this piece of art: It’s a kelpie, which is a mythical, water-dwelling ghost horse, rumoured to lure unwary people to a watery death. Not very pleasant, I know, but there are worse animals who do worse things to people. Don’t ask me how I know…
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It’s autumn! I look forward to this every year. My romantic vision was to see in the first day of my favourite season with a matcha latte outside, and with Louis Catorze happily pitter-pattering around me doing autumn cat things. Sadly it was raining heavily, so I sat indoors instead and waited for Catorze to…
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What’s the best piece of advice you have ever received? “Stay away from narcissists and psychopaths.” Yet here we are, living under the authoritarian rule of someone who is BOTH. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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We’ve just been to the vet for Louis Catorze’s steroid shot. I was going to say something about how shit it was, but we haven’t had to take him since 1st July, so I don’t suppose I have much to complain about. I remember the time when we seemed to be taking him constantly, so…
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I don’t know whether to wear a black armband or to raise a glass of something suitably solemn* to mark the fact that we are now up to Part 10 of this sorry saga. I may well do both. *Is there such a thing as a solemn alcoholic drink, or is this something that only…
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It’s official*: cat-cousin Rodan, aged ten months, is bigger than Louis Catorze, aged fourteen years. *By “official” we mean “not actually official at all”. Obviously the sensible way to prove this would have been to weigh them, or measure them nose-to-tail. THAT would have made it official. But, because we were too stupid to think…
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