louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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Louis Catorze has just discovered the joy of attacking me through the weighted blanket. And, despite the blanket being quite robust, I can feel the his claws through it and they HURT. He doesn’t do this to the blanket when it’s lying folded up, only when it’s on me. Which seems to disprove my original…
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Have you ever heard it said that, sometimes, if you fight back against bullies, their behaviour becomes worse? Cat Daddy and I have just been to València* for a friend’s wedding, and we left Louis Catorze** in the care of Daughter Next Door. *The fighting back. **The bully. We didn’t tell Catorze of our plans,…
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What was the last thing you learned? I wish it were possible to unsee and/or unremember displeasing facts. Very little displeases me more than explicit talk of rear ends and bowel movements, but I’m sharing this information because most of my friends pick crud out of their cats’ eyes with their bare hands*. So they…
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What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain. “What’s the matter with your cat?” WE DON’T KNOW. NOBODY KNOWS. IF WE KNEW, WE WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Louis Catorze’s screaming is getting worse. I know that I complain about it all the time (although still nowhere near as much as Cat Daddy…
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Oh dear God, he did it again. Louis Catorze went into that deep, comatose sleep where no amount of poking would wake him. And this time his eyes were half-open, like a vampire. I didn’t keep prodding for long, because I could see that he was breathing. But it was weird. And I forgot to…
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I have no proof of this because I wasn’t quick enough with my phone when it happened. Yet, since you know all the ridiculous things that Louis Catorze does, I can say this utterly fearlessly and without worry about being disbelieved or scorned. Cat Daddy started playing the guitar in the next room, and Catorze…
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You have probably seen a cat yawn-meow, even though you are unlikely to have filmed it. But how about a yawn-chatter? Yes, that’s right, a yawn-chatter. It’s when a cat’s bird-chatter utterance morphs into a yawn. No? Well, I may be able to help you out there. When I was searching my phone for something…
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The Yodel delivery driver just dropped off a box of Orijen. He also dropped off Louis Catorze, who was out at The Front causing havoc. We had absolutely no idea that he’d escaped. Cat Daddy, who had answered the door: “The driver said Louis was screaming outside.” Me: “He didn’t actually say the word “screaming”,…
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The pitiful wailing in the video below was actually AFTER Louis Catorze had had a few minutes to calm down. When we first stuffed him into his transportation pod, his guttural screams were absolutely infernal, the kind that usually require an exorcist. Can you guess where we were going? Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: it was…
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What advice would you give to your teenage self? Since Louis Catorze is a teenager right now (in human years, anyway), his advice to himself remains current, and is: “Keep them guessing.” The little sod adheres rigidly to this motto, every single day; Cat Daddy and I are perpetually left wondering what the hell. (That…
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When British people say, “The weather is getting warmer”, what they probably mean is that it’s 0.01°C less cold than it was yesterday. This time, however, Louis Catorze can feel it. And the little sod has been outside for hours. Catorze absolutely LOVES being outside, and his favourite spot is his plinth underneath the outdoor…
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Who are your favourite people to be around? Louis Catorze loves men. Family members, friends, tradesmen, random passers-by in the street, whoever. He’s not fussy; any man will do. We have no idea how a cat can know what a man is and what a woman is, but he does. And, whenever we have company,…
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One of my lovely friends sent me a weighted blanket as a recovery present. (The one and only good thing about recovering from surgery is that people send you some really good stuff.) If you’ve never heard of one of these before, it’s exactly as it sounds: a blanket that’s heavier than it looks, due…
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What’s your favourite sweet? Remember cats and jigsaw puzzles? Remember cats and Lego? Well, look at what we have here: a little Roi having a nap on a paper bag. Nothing to see here, right? Except that in that paper bag is Cat Daddy’s stash of chocolate honeycomb bites from the worthy, plastic-free bulk foods…
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