louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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What one word describes you? Several words come to mind. None are repeatable in polite company. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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Louis Catorze’s summer mode has been officially activated. It’s not summer yet. In fact, it’s not even spring. But the fact that it’s the wrong time has never stopped him from doing what he wants. A few rays of sunshine and he’s out … which makes it all the more insulting that he should run…
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Who is the most confident person you know? You all know the answer to this: it’s Louis Catorze. He struts his way through life assuming that everyone loves him. Not everyone DOES love him. But he couldn’t give the square root of a shit. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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In what activities do you lose yourself? (Sorry, I couldn’t bear to end the sentence on a preposition, so I had to change the prompt.) Screaming. It’s by far Louis Catorze’s favourite thing in the world to do. And, sometimes, he screams himself into such a frenzy that there’s no air left in him. I…
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Louis Catorze has just discovered the joy of attacking me through the weighted blanket. And, despite the blanket being quite robust, I can feel the his claws through it and they HURT. He doesn’t do this to the blanket when it’s lying folded up, only when it’s on me. Which seems to disprove my original…
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Have you ever heard it said that, sometimes, if you fight back against bullies, their behaviour becomes worse? Cat Daddy and I have just been to València* for a friend’s wedding, and we left Louis Catorze** in the care of Daughter Next Door. *The fighting back. **The bully. We didn’t tell Catorze of our plans,…
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What was the last thing you learned? I wish it were possible to unsee and/or unremember displeasing facts. Very little displeases me more than explicit talk of rear ends and bowel movements, but I’m sharing this information because most of my friends pick crud out of their cats’ eyes with their bare hands*. So they…
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What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain. “What’s the matter with your cat?” WE DON’T KNOW. NOBODY KNOWS. IF WE KNEW, WE WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Louis Catorze’s screaming is getting worse. I know that I complain about it all the time (although still nowhere near as much as Cat Daddy…
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Oh dear God, he did it again. Louis Catorze went into that deep, comatose sleep where no amount of poking would wake him. And this time his eyes were half-open, like a vampire. I didn’t keep prodding for long, because I could see that he was breathing. But it was weird. And I forgot to…
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I have no proof of this because I wasn’t quick enough with my phone when it happened. Yet, since you know all the ridiculous things that Louis Catorze does, I can say this utterly fearlessly and without worry about being disbelieved or scorned. Cat Daddy started playing the guitar in the next room, and Catorze…
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You have probably seen a cat yawn-meow, even though you are unlikely to have filmed it. But how about a yawn-chatter? Yes, that’s right, a yawn-chatter. It’s when a cat’s bird-chatter utterance morphs into a yawn. No? Well, I may be able to help you out there. When I was searching my phone for something…
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The Yodel delivery driver just dropped off a box of Orijen. He also dropped off Louis Catorze, who was out at The Front causing havoc. We had absolutely no idea that he’d escaped. Cat Daddy, who had answered the door: “The driver said Louis was screaming outside.” Me: “He didn’t actually say the word “screaming”,…
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The pitiful wailing in the video below was actually AFTER Louis Catorze had had a few minutes to calm down. When we first stuffed him into his transportation pod, his guttural screams were absolutely infernal, the kind that usually require an exorcist. Can you guess where we were going? Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: it was…
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What advice would you give to your teenage self? Since Louis Catorze is a teenager right now (in human years, anyway), his advice to himself remains current, and is: “Keep them guessing.” The little sod adheres rigidly to this motto, every single day; Cat Daddy and I are perpetually left wondering what the hell. (That…
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