louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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When I make tea in the morning and take it up to Cat Daddy, more often than not I find Louis Catorze occupying my spot in bed. My arrival displeases him so much that he jumps down and leaves the room. (Catorze, I mean, not Cat Daddy.) However, last week I refrained from bringing tea…
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I often ask Cat Daddy if we can have another cat (and he always says no) but, in reality, I know that it probably wouldn’t work. This is not only because Louis Catorze has been the lone sovereign for all his life with us, but also because I couldn’t handle a team of the little…
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When I want Louis Catorze to approach me so that I can administer his thyroid medication, the little sod is skittish and suspicious. I do my best to Act Normal, pretending to move around doing random household things so that he will let me slither ever-closer to him, but it doesn’t work; the slightest wrong…
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Do you need a break? From what? If I were to mention an itchy black cat in a Cône, you would be forgiven for thinking that I were talking about Louis Catorze. However, this time it’s his cat-cousin Rodan who has come a cropper. Rodan could do with a break from scratching. However, the only…
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Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end. Anything that doesn’t involve a vet visit is perfect. Even if I have to go to work. Even if I’m sick. Alien invasion, zombie apocalypse, whatever. Just not the vet, please. Louis Catorze has just been for his steroid jab. His last one was on 5th…
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Our front room television never works first thing in the morning, with some unseen force appearing to have pulled cables loose. Now, I know that Louis Catorze may have previous when it comes to this kind of caper, but that was a long time ago and he’s calmed down since then, right? RIGHT? I tried…
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What do you complain about the most? Louis Catorze is always complaining about something. Sadly, nobody knows what. His screaming is getting worse. Worse in volume, worse in frequency and worse in tone. The one thing that seems to shut him up is me picking up my phone to record it, which he’s absolutely doing…
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Because Rodan and Mothra didn’t seem to be using their Mona Lisa cat scratcher and bed combo, my sister brought it downstairs with a view to photographing it for sale. Naturellement that was when they decided that, actually, perhaps they would use it, after all: I predict that this new-found enthusiasm will last until my…
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Our cleaning lady was off last week, so we had a new lady take over just for one day. Due to a misunderstanding, she arrived an hour early and we weren’t ready at all. Now, as a society, we have been conditioned to dislike latecomers. However, nothing sends me into a tailspin as much as…
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What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time? To talk about a cat’s “leisure time” would suggest that the rest of their time is spent working. Of course it’s not. Louis Catorze wouldn’t know work if it kicked him up the arse. So he doesn’t have “leisure time”; he just has “time”. And,…
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A couple of mornings ago, when switching off my alarm, I dropped my phone under the bed. And, rather than go under the bed to try to rescue it, I decided, instead, that it would be a good idea to reach for it by sticking my arm between the wooden slats of the headboard. You…
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After stuffing his face whilst in the care of Blue the Smoke Bengal’s mamma, and looking distinctly meatier and better even though we were only away for two nights, Louis Catorze is back to eating bugger all again. For the ten days or so leading up to our weekend away, I barely saw Catorze eat…
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Some time ago, Louis Catorze stopped coming up to bed with me. I simply assumed that he’d found a more fun thing to do at night – you know, harassing foxes, summoning demons, that kind of thing. So, now, when Cat Daddy comes up to bed long after I’ve gone to sleep, he brings Catorze…
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Part 21. I bet you thought that this sorry saga was in the past, didn’t you? Well, it’s not. Cat Daddy and I bought ourselves some hot-smoked salmon as a New Year treat. We took some to a friend’s house and ate it there, so that we could enjoy it in peace without being bullied and…
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