Maille après maille

Puppy Mamma and I have really been up against it this week, not only because we are back at school but because our knitting project was due.

Despite always telling our students not to leave things until the last minute, we haven’t managed to follow our own advice on this occasion. Stupidly, we didn’t take into account the fact that our knitting designs are a sort of spiral shape working from the inside outwards, and so the larger outer sections take more time. We should have organised ourselves with this in mind, but we didn’t. (Cat Daddy, looking at our work: “You couldn’t figure that out? Even a 5-year-old could have managed that. Jesus.”)

And, of course, just when I was under pressure to finish the most time-consuming parts, and just after I bragged about him being a good boy who leaves my work the hell alone, Louis Catorze remembered that he is a cat and decided to interfere. Here is the little sod (below) the night before the deadline, arsing around with the wool whilst Cat Daddy egged him on and took photos.

Apologies to our instructor, who has now received not one but TWO parts of our project covered in animal spit. And, teachers, if you’re marking assignments of any kind, however much you think you can trust your students, wash your hands afterwards.

C’est pourquoi je vais à l’école

The summer holidays give me a very accurate insight into what it must be like to be a cat: sleeping late, having no concept of time and whiling away hours on pointless rubbish. Now, of course, the new school year is imminent and I am stressing out like crazy about how I can possibly be expected to teach kids when my brain has rotted away through lack of use.

For Louis Catorze, of course, there is no such rentrée anxiety, and next week will just be another week in his ridiculous life of doing nothing and then having a rest afterwards. (Cat Daddy: “No danger of him getting brain rot, though.”)

Good luck to all teachers, support staff and students who are going back to school next week. And please spare a thought for Sa Maj, who will not be budging from here:

L’ordinateur a l’intelligence de celui qui s’en sert

We have only been back for a few days, and already Louis Catorze is causing utter mayhem and driving us round the bend. 

His connerie began on the very evening of our return, when he goaded poor Oscar the dog so badly that we, Dog Mamma and Dog Sister had to go out and intervene before blood was spilled. And, on Monday, he walked across my laptop, causing me to submit my enhanced disclosure application before I had proofread it. 

For those who don’t work in education: this is the highly important process that informs one’s employer whether or not one has a criminal record, so it’s safe to say that it really, really needs to be done properly. Worryingly, after Catorze pressed/kicked “Submit”, I received no error message indicating incomplete or invalid information, meaning that everything written thus far had some sort of logical sense. Whether or not it was correct or desirable is another matter. 

So, at best, I may have entered an incorrect passport or driving licence number and will look like a dodgy fraudster when this is detected. And, at worst, I may have mistakenly clicked “Yes” to the question asking about crimes against children. I guess I won’t know until my application has been processed and my employer contacts me to ask me to explain myself. 

Here is the little sod, pictured not long after the incident and having also dribbled on Cat Daddy’s newspaper. Shits given: zéro.