new year

Il est 11h30 et Le Roi saute et saute

~ iamthesunking ~ 25 Comments

It’s New Year’s Eve. There was a time when I would rather have punched myself in both eyes than stayed home tonight. Whereas, now, the idea of catching a tube across town and paying £30 to enter a pub that I would ordinarily be able to enter free of charge, doesn’t appeal at all. Plus queuing for toilets, Compromise Prosecco instead of proper Crémant and so on – just NO. So Cat Daddy and I will be spending the night TUC.

For once in our lives, the member of the household who is in the best state of health, not simply lacking in ailments but positively glowing and well, is Louis Catorze.

I was a little worried about him when his last vet visit revealed a weight loss of 190g (almost two bars of Green and Black’s chocolate – a lot for one so small), but the vet wasn’t unduly concerned since his habits haven’t changed. The little sod is showing every sign of being a healthy cat: eating and drinking well, playing constantly, diving underneath blankets and cushions and thrashing around and, somehow, managing to find rodents from somewhere, despite us being in the depths of winter.

(I could do without that last one but, since it’s a clear sign that he’s feeling good, I’ll take it. Cat Daddy, however, is delighted that his boy has rediscovered hunting, because it reassures him that he has raised a manly cat who can take care of himself.)

If it’s true that the way in which one year ends is indicative of how the next one will go, Sa Maj looks set to have an absolute cracker of a 2023, when he will turn a sinister but impressive thirteen.

I hope 2023 is a glorious year for you, and thank you so much for putting up with supporting us and our dear little sod. Here he is, having just finished gadding about in the soft plastics recycling, ready to race up the stairs and attack some hapless object (probably me):

If there were ever a good moment for chain mail socks, this would be it.

Bouillir, servir, manger, recommencer

~ iamthesunking ~ 24 Comments

Bonne Année! Hope you had a wonderful New Year’s Eve.

The dawn of 2021 saw us messing about with Louis Catorze’s food, hand-sifting the golden pellets from the brown ones like sweat shop workers. We are starting 2022 in a similar way but, this time, instead of sifting, we are pouring boiling water over minuscule portions of the little sod’s Orijen. No doubt we will start next year doing something equally stupid with his food, and the year after that, and so on, forever more.

Catorze is a grazer rather than someone with set mealtimes, so he likes to be able to revisit his bowl multiple times throughout the day. Obviously this works perfectly well if dry food is your thing. But if you insist on boiling water poured over your food and will only eat it if it’s freshly-served and piping hot, the whole grazing thing doesn’t really work. Unless you have a set of serving wenches at hand to dish up a new portion every time you stare creepily at them.

Sa Maj has never liked wet food. In fact, his dislike of it was such that it was even mentioned on his notes from the rescue. I was quite keen for him to have it, as I thought it would be a good way of getting enough water into him, but I failed in my efforts to make him eat it. That, however, was seven and a half years ago. Could it be that the little sod’s tastes have changed and that, after a lifetime of refusing wet food, he now wants it?

We hadn’t planned on changing his food anytime soon; we have plenty of Orijen, despite it still being out of stock at Petscorner, plus after all the Yuletide festivities we aren’t quite in the frame of mind to manage a(nother) Grand Changement right now. But it’s hovering ominously in the background like a Dickensian ghost, and I have an awful feeling that we might have to try it out sometime. Not yet, though. He has to have his dental surgery first, plus we need to mentally prepare ourselves and order in plenty of alcohol and Valium.

Wishing you a marvellous 2022, with lots of love from all of us at Le Château.

Bonne Année. Now feed moi.

Il était une fois dans l’ouest de Londres

~ iamthesunking ~ 20 Comments

Something is going wrong with WordPress: not only are notifications not coming through, but I have been liking comments made by followers and the likes haven’t saved. Please be assured that we hugely appreciate it every time someone comments, even if it’s only to say “Your cat’s not normal.” (We already know this, obviously, but it makes us feel supported to have some affirmation.)

As Cat Daddy and I plan for New Year’s Eve and chat about what we want from 2022, we have come to the realisation that we just want Louis Catorze to be a bit less of a miserable shite towards other cats (especially Blue the Smoke Bengal). After spending all these years feeling relieved that there isn’t a nasty neighbourhood bully cat who picks on Catorze, we are dismayed that, in fact, the little sod is it.

He is the perfect host when it comes to humans, welcoming strangers happily and sitting right in the middle of them all so that he can absorb attention from all angles. Our last set of visitors were dog people and even they commented on how he was “unlike any other cat they’d ever met before” (and they actually meant it in a good way).

Catorze’s patience for other cats, however, is waning, although he hasn’t always been this way. The lady who found him as a stray told me that he got on well with her cats. And, over the years, when we have seen him interact with other cats, he has almost always been friendly. But after Cat Daddy witnessed him attack a passing cat not that long ago, emerging from the dust cloud spitting out lumps of its fur like a Wild West outlaw, we can see that things are changing. Or, as Cat Daddy puts it, “He’s turning into a cantankerous old ****.”

We don’t like the fact that our boy is becoming a trouble-making bruiser, not only because it’s an unpleasant way to be but because, one of these days, someone is going to fight back. Catorze has been fortunate that his opponents – all bigger than him without exception, including three foxes – have chosen to run away, but his luck is going to run out sooner or later.

Come on, Sa Maj. This isn’t how we raised you. Please resolve to be nice in 2022.

What if this IS him being nice?

Chat Fou 2020

~ iamthesunking ~ 20 Comments

Happy New Year! And what joy it is to bid adieu to the lopsided unevenness of 2019 and to glide into the delightful roundness that is 2020. Not since 2012 have we had a number which is utterly sublime to look at and even better to say.

Cat Daddy and I cannot wait to see what this year will bring, and we are looking forward to the following events in particular:

1. A number of landmark birthdays among our family and friends, ranging from 40 to 80.

2. Louis Catorze’s 10th birthday in April (and, yes, we know that he neither looks his age nor acts it). Cat Daddy thinks he has vetoed any type of birthday celebration but I have A Plan.

3. Hallowe’en aka La Fête des Chats Noirs taking place on a Saturday AND on a full moon.

4. Lots more knitting, including a scarf for myself that Cat Daddy has nicknamed “The Special One” because it’s going to be made of MERINO wool – geddit? (Football fans will understand. Anyone else will wonder what on earth I am talking about.) The scarf doesn’t even exist yet, but I bet Catorze has already planned how he’s going to trash it.

Don’t worry, we have started stockpiling holy water and Valium for numéro 3 and the chaos that will ensue. Come to think of it, we may also need them for numéro 2 and numéro 4.

Anyway, thank you so much for supporting Sa Maj and Le Blog, and we wish you a happy and prosperous New Year.

Un nouvel an, des anciens problèmes

~ iamthesunking ~ 7 Comments

2019 is here, with its annoyingly unround and unbalanced appearance. I almost can’t stand to look at it because it hurts my OCD, and, whilst I don’t want to wish time away, I really want to add 1 to 2019 and turn it into the beautifully even 2020. 

I don’t know what the year will bring but, as Benjamin Franklin (I think – or possibly Mark Twain?) once said, in this world nothing can be said to be certain except death, taxes and Louis Catorze getting stuck in the Forbidden Greenhouse when it’s either life-threateningly hot or life-threateningly cold. And one of those things is more certain than the others.

I came home the other day to find no sign of our mutual friend, which is somewhat unusual as he is very dog-like in his ways and almost always greets us. Then, when I stepped outside to grab a bottle of Crémant from nature’s outdoor overflow fridge, I heard the faraway yet unmistakable sound of screaming, then saw his affronted face and psycho eyes peering at me through the glass. 

Cat Daddy, when I texted him to tell him: “WHAT? I opened the greenhouse door for about 0.3 seconds this morning to grab some boots, then I shut it again. I didn’t see him go in at all. How was he?”

Erm: indignant and loud. And pretty cold.

Yet not quite cold enough, it seems, as, right after getting his body back to optimum temperature (by settling on me and sucking out my heat), the little sod pitter-pattered out again and was immediately heard screaming at birds / bugs /  Oscar the dog / the air. 

Here he is after eventually deciding to come back in again. Most cats wouldn’t be so silly as to do the same thing twice but, as this is Le Roi we’re talking about, I guess we’re ready for another year of more of the same. 

Hope the start of 2019 has been better for you than it was for Catorze. 

2018 vous dit adieu

~ iamthesunking ~ 11 Comments

If cats could make New Year resolutions, they wouldn’t. 

Resolutions are what we humans do to better ourselves, but cats think that they’re great as they are and that it’s the rest of the world who should change its pathetic, inadequate behaviour. We also make resolutions to improve our everyday lives and to make them easier and, again, cats don’t have to concern themselves with all that. That’s why they have us. 

Bonne Année to you all, and thank you for your support this year.

90062CFE-4239-4A0E-B3F7-738DC6391637

L’Année du Chien

~ iamthesunking ~ 3 Comments

Chinese New Year officially begins today and it’s the Year of the Dog, which will be rather displeasing to many of our feline overlords. However, Louis Catorze, being quite cordial towards dogs even if the feeling isn’t mutual, has both accepted this with good grace AND chosen to make a peace offering to his sparring partner next door:

CD89F517-36A2-4964-B213-EBEE9657DFD5

Whilst I am not a great believer in the western zodiac, nor in the characteristics attributed according to one’s date of birth, Chinese New Year made me curious about Louis Catorze’s corresponding Chinese horoscope animal. And, being born in 2010, it turns out that he is likely to be … a Tiger. No joke. (Cat Daddy spat his tea all over his laptop when I told him.)

This is what l’internet says about those born in the Year of the Tiger:

– Brave [Catorze takes on larger animals of any kind, without hesitation, so OUI]
– Competitive [although this rather depends on the nature of the competition; if it’s “Who can be the biggest and most annoying crotte de merde in the land?” then OUI]
– Self-confident [OUI]
– Charming [OUI]
– Well-liked by others [provided we don’t count dogs or Ocado delivery drivers among the “others”, then OUI]
– Impetuous [see “Brave” above: OUI]
– Over-indulged [I suppose having a house built and furnished to his specifications, food flown in from Canada and a savings account for his healthcare could possibly, by some people’s interpretation, be seen as “over-indulged”, so OUI]

Louis Catorze wishes everyone, especially all dogs, a joyous and prosperous year ahead. And he would love to know all about your feline overlords’ Chinese horoscope animals and whether the characteristics are a good match!

Le soir des rois, ou Ce que vous voudrez

~ iamthesunking ~ 4 Comments

Someone once told me, “Never eat anything bigger than your head” and, given that I have a head so fat that I can’t wear paper party hats without splitting them, I have been able to abide by this for most of my life without feeling that I am missing out.

Imagine, then, eating something bigger than your entire body. Considerably bigger, in fact. Louis Catorze had the opportunity to do exactly this when Cat Daddy bought a whole leg of jamón serrano for a ham and cheese night with friends. As you know, Catorze doesn’t really like food, but he won’t say non to some cured ham and, if it’s several times his own bodyweight, tant mieux.

Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: nothing says “good hosting” quite like serving guests the same food that you gave to your cat to make him take his meds.

Cat Daddy: “It isn’t the same food that we gave to our cat to make him take his meds. We gave him the much higher-quality jambon de Bayonne.”

You’re welcome, les invités.

Anyway, unlike most cats, who hide from party guests or have to be shut away to minimise their own stress levels, Louis Catorze attended our gathering, even though he wasn’t invited. And, bien sûr, he conspicuously chose the boys’ corner of the room and mingled like a true socialite. It was like watching Hugh Hefner in the Playboy Mansion: spoilt for choice and not knowing what to do with himself.

And, yes, the little sod did get a few slivers of jamón, too.

Bonne année à tous!

Il y a beaucoup à apprendre des bêtes

~ iamthesunking ~ 10 Comments

Finalement, 2 months after Halloween, Louis Catorze manages to deliver an almost-passable Halloween portrait. This picture isn’t ideal in terms of composition but it’s the best effort to date, and, on paper, at least, it captures the essence of my favourite day of the year: a black cat, a fine set of fangs and even a photobomb from The Count himself.

I didn’t set it up that way: Count Dracula would usually be on a Yule tree – that’s the way we do things here at Le Château – but he is hanging on a door handle this year, on account of being neither waterproof enough for the outdoor tree nor small enough for Louis Catorze’s mini-tree. It was just a coincidence that he happened to be lurking in the background during one of Catorze’s psycho play sessions, but a good coincidence nonetheless.

It would have been nice to have had this picture back in October, instead of having 748+ shots of his arse end walking away from a pumpkin. But that’s Le Roi for you: Sun King, Lord of Misrule, High Emperor of Doing Inappropriate Things at Inappropriate Times (I haven’t forgotten about the 3am popping of bubble wrap) and the epitome of all that is wrong with the world.

And on that perfect note I shall wish you all a joyous and prosperous 2018. Thank you for your ongoing support of the little sod.

B18D6BC2-965A-4027-968A-C419B2390A5D

Le nouvel an

~ iamthesunking ~ 8 Comments

As we say goodbye to a year that has been pretty merdique, and welcome a new year which, surely, cannot be any worse, all of us at Le Château would like to thank you sincerely for your ongoing support of Louis Catorze.

When I started Le Blog I never imagined we would reach in excess of 140 followers – I expected maybe 20 of my friends to follow, with around half of these deciding “Enough of this shit” and unfollowing after a fortnight or two – so to know that you are all still with us is wonderful.

Special thanks to those of you who have kindly sent gifts to Sa Majesté or come to visit him. We hope to see many more of you next year, although he gets booked up early so don’t leave it too long. He already has 3 visitors arranged for January!

Bonne année from us, and may 2017 be a joyous and happy year for you.

img_8425

Le bonheur est une drogue dure

~ iamthesunking ~ 2 Comments

Christmas has been and gone, and we have made it to those weird in-between days when nobody quite knows what to do with themselves.

December has been a trying month: we have had to cope with stubborn colds, Cat Daddy’s scary Christmas lights set to “epilepsy mode”, and seeing the vet more often than we have seen all our friends and family put together … and, through it all, Louis Catorze is still chasing his tail.

The Zylkene calming supplement – or “Louis Catorze’s party powder”, as Cat Daddy naughtily calls it, and which can be seen decorating the edges of Le Cône – has made some difference; the little sod has been going for his tail slightly less often, and with slightly less ferocity. But, unfortunately, this difference isn’t significant enough to allow us to permanently dispense with Le Cône.

img_8461

We went back to the vet today, and she was surprised at how long it was taking for his wound to heal. A few squeezes and pinches to the tail – and a hiss from Sa Majesté – revealed that there was still a problem there. Rather than going for the steroid shot, which would delay the healing even further, the vet prescribed a neurological painkiller which only exists in tablet form. Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: we are going to have to pill the little sod twice a day for 2 weeks.

“You could try wrapping the pill in this special paste, to get him to eat it,” the vet suggested, demonstrating how to do it. Louis Catorze stared at the unappetising pellet and gave each of us in turn his “And what the heck is THIS pile of merde?” look.

In the end she had to pill him using the traditional method of brute force and a prayer. It didn’t look pleasant and there is no chance in hell of us succeeding.

I am usually pretty poor at predicting the future, but I can see that my January 2017 will involve tears, anguish and lacerations to the hands.

La panacée du Roi

~ iamthesunking ~ 2 Comments

“What a pity January is almost over, just as things were getting good,” said absolutely nobody, ever.

It’s a difficult month at the best of times, even when the sharply cold temperatures and bright white frost give a kind of feeling of newness and freshness. But this January, far from being sharply cold or frosty-bright white, has been especially grim: grey, damp, clammy and sluggish. I can’t wait for it to end.

Louis Catorze, however, couldn’t give a hoot either way.

All is going phenomenally well in his little world, which means, at least, that someone has had a positive month. His black cat mojo is bursting at the seams at the moment and he looks magnificent. Cat Daddy usually lets out a snort of contempt when I say this, deriding Catorze’s “drug-addled state” and muttering something about him only appearing attractive if you look from a long way off and squint a bit. But I don’t care how far away you have to stand or how he got this way: I’ll still take it.

Here he is, looking menacing and demonstrating the right hook that (possibly) knocked out his mystery opponent at Le Fight Club:

image

It’s not just his physical appearance that has improved: everything about him just seems easier when he’s well. Even the medication and the Advocate, whilst not exactly fun, aren’t so bad, with the Post-Meds Sulk seemingly a thing of the past; whereas previously he would run away afterwards and hide for hours (or for the whole day, as he did on his first day with us when I crunched his tail under my knee by accident), now he comes back for cuddles.

He’s had a fair few visitors throughout January and he’s been on fine form for them all: sociable, affectionate and even happily allowing 3 kids aged 5 and under to simultaneously manhandle him. Poor Luther would have walked through hellfire to avoid such a thing – in fact, most normal cats would – but we all know, don’t we, that Louis Catorze is not a normal cat?

He’s due at the vet’s for his next steroid shot in a couple of weeks. I really hope this run of good luck holds out until then.

Flotte comme un papillon, pique comme une abeille

~ iamthesunking ~ 2 Comments

image

Louis Catorze is strutting around Le Château as if he were the heavyweight champion of the world.

Mind you, by “world”, we really mean a small patch of land in TW8 measuring about 10 metres by 6 metres. And weighing in at 3.48kg (as he did at his Christmas Eve vet visit) is hardly, by any reasonable interpretation of the word, “heavyweight”. Come to think of it, given that we haven’t seen the condition of his opponent and can’t conclusively state that Catorze delivered the knockout punch, even “champion” is a bit of a stretch.

Apart from all that, though, he’s the feline incarnation of Muhammad Ali, sans doute.

He is utterly unconcerned about the fight and is full of feisty confidence. (I like to think this is because he’s such a fearless warrior, but in reality he’s probably just forgotten about it.) People who haven’t seen him for a while – even Cat Daddy, who was away for a day or two – remark upon how thick and soft his fur is, and how meaty and well he looks. His ear, on the other hand, looks rather like a gnarled, 900-year-old tree root, and I expect it will continue to look this way as it heals, but it’s much less red and sore than it was. Plus it adds a little grit and character to his neatness, rather like a tattoo, a piercing or an extreme sports injury (not that Louis Catorze has any friends to impress).

As this year comes to a close and we prepare to welcome in the new one, this is a great place to be. All of us at Le Château wish you a very Happy New Year, and we hope that 2016 brings joy to you and your furry overlords. Xxx