Ennemi de l’état

Merci à Dieu: it’s the school holidays. And my long summer break started off in true Catorzian style: when I came home I trod in some cat puke and, because I was three double vodkas under, I didn’t notice and ended up treading it all around the place.

My conversation with Cat Daddy went something like this:

Him: “What’s all this mess?”

Me: “Nothing to do with me.”

[I check under my feet.]

Me: “Oh my God.”

My flip flops have since been jet-washed, but nothing will jet-wash the images from my soul. Especially the bit when I borrowed Cat Daddy’s flip flops whilst I jet-washed mine and, somehow, in the jet-washing process, I managed to transfer some cat puke to his flip flops via my bare toes.

Other than going away with Cat Daddy next week, my plans involve mainly watching horror with a cup of tea in my hand and Louis Catorze on my lap. Well, there’s no point spending my holiday doing things I don’t like, is there?

In other news, one of our neighbours, who is a plumber, popped round the other day to look at our bathroom sink because, somehow, the plug has dropped down the plug hole and is stuck. (Yes, I know that being small enough to actually fit DOWN the hole is the least useful quality for any sink plug.)

Upon his arrival I was TUC, so I called hello to him and he came into the living room for a chat. When he saw Catorze on my lap, I could tell by his face that they already knew each other.

Plumber Neighbour: “Ah, it’s him!”

Me: “Oh God, I’m sorry.” [It’s become a routine thing to apologise for Sa Maj before I even know what’s happened.]

Him: “Oh no, he hasn’t done anything wrong. I often see him in my garden, looking very pantheresque.”

Me: “Oh, right!”

Him: “And Heather says she’s seen him in her garden, too.”

Me, with no idea of who Heather is or where she lives: “Oh, right!”

Merde, I should have thought this through and hidden Catorze as soon as I knew that Plumber Neighbour was coming. Now that he has seen him at our house, not only can I no longer give him the “Oh, it must have been some other cat” line if there’s any trouble, but he is also able to tell the mysterious Heather that he knows who the black cat is and where he lives.

Worse yet, Plumber Neighbour’s house backs onto a prime parakeet stronghold and, when there’s a cat in the Zone Libre, they all gather here to shriek at it. This is what their symposiums look like:

Green avian army.

And this is how they sound:

Not guilty (for once).

So Plumber Neighbour is perfectly placed to be ear-assaulted by the hideous noise AND to see who is causing it. On the occasion captured above it was actually Beefy Tabby Tigger (just visible in the video) who was responsible for the unrest, but we know that Catorze is capable of it, too, because we’ve seen him do it. Having Catorze on Plumber Neighbour’s radar, and having that connection back to us, isn’t a good thing at all.

Note to all owners of troublesome cats: hide the cats when neighbours come round. Or, at the very least, kick them outside and, if the visitors happen to see them through the window, act as if they’re someone else’s cats. It’s considerably more difficult to lie when you’re TUC and the offender is the very C that you’re TU.

Returning from the Zone Libre a little later.

25 thoughts on “Ennemi de l’état

  1. In that last picture Catorze looks like a normal cat – a bit winsome even.
    The idea of parakeets in the UK still boggles me – they are definitely heat seeking over here. But if you were in the 30’s C the other week…

    Liked by 1 person

        1. I think they are but most of the time, I can only hear them noisily crossing the sky when I’m looking after our Brussels grandchildren.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Poor Louis. What a wierd idea.
            And poor me who forgot some words before posting my previous comment.
            « I’m pretty sure he meows at the parakeets to urge them to behave more politely » would have sounded better, wouldn’t it?

            Liked by 1 person

  2. We don’t see parakeets living free in this part of the world. Some people keep them in a cage. But we have millions of pesky common wood pigeons and I have to clean their mess almost everyday…
    Maybe Louis should build a bird trap? Have a great vacation with Louis and Cat Daddy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We have Canadian geese here, and they are super super super noisy and obnoxious (and they poop EVERYWHERE!). At first, Miss Penny was horrified, but now she just ignores them because it’s pointless to try to tell them to shut up or engage in a conversation with them 😉 I think she just thinks “I’m too old for that shit!”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Many years ago I lived next to an indoor/outdoor cat with a sweet name (like Muffin or something equally bland). She weighed about 6 lbs. She would sneak into my house, eat my cats’ food, rip their toys apart and take a nap on my sofa. She also ripped our door screen. We had to put an ugly metal plate at the bottom so she couldn’t wreck it. The neighbor found this enormously funny. She was a calico so craziness is not confined to black cats.

    Liked by 2 people

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