Aider les gens à se sentir mieux

~ iamthesunking

Louis Catorze’s post-steroid screaming is just beyond a joke.

Yesterday morning I had to get up at 5:50 (!) to give Cat Daddy a lift to the starting point of his charity cycling event*. I often struggle to sleep anyway but, when I know I have to get up early the next morning, I never sleep well because I worry about missing my alarm. However, it seems that I needn’t have worried because Catorze was at hand to make sure I woke up. Having someone – even if that someone is 3.27kg – stand on your chest and howl like a baying wolf is an unsurprisingly effective alarm. Especially when it happens AN HOUR BEFORE YOUR INTENDED WAKE-UP TIME.

Yes, he did this at 4:50am. Bastard, bastard cat.

In other black cat-related news, Ian Fenn is suing Sainsbury’s supermarket for not allowing his therapy cat, Chloe, to accompany him into the store. Ian, from London, has autism, and having Chloe with him helps him to deal with the sensory overload that comes with shopping trips.

Photo from telegraph.co.uk.

Catorze has mixed feelings about this.

Naturellement he is outraged that anyone would ban one of his comrades from anywhere, especially since Sainsbury’s does permit assistance dogs. However, the idea of any cat, especially a Chat Noir, having to WORK for a living is simply preposterous to him.

The spokespeople from Sainsbury’s argue that cats present more of a food hygiene issue than dogs. Now, although I would rather not have any animal pitter-pattering over my Pont l’Évêque in the cheese aisle, if I had to choose I would opt for a cat over a dog. Even the cruddiest cat in the world would have smaller paws and less slobber than any dog and would therefore be less contaminating, non? The supermarket is also concerned that allowing one cat in would open the floodgates to “other, more unruly cats causing havoc”, but I can’t think of any such cats who would OH NEVER MIND.

Obviously if everyone were to take animals to the supermarket, it would be carnage. But perhaps just a few would, dare I say it, be quite fun? And the more exotic and unusual, the better. Therapy peacocks, anyone?

Catorze hopes that Ian wins his case. However, he also feels that Ian has a lot to learn, judging from the following statement about Chloe: “She brings structure to my life, she wakes me up in the morning, she tells me when to go to bed. It’s difficult to know how she feels about the relationship, but I feel that we’re a team now.”

Mon gars, cats are not our teammates. We are their bitches.

“The pathetic humans serve us, not vice versa. Ne l’oublions pas.”

*Cat Daddy would like to thank everyone who sponsored him for the event, which he cycled in honour of Cat Granny.

29 thoughts on “Aider les gens à se sentir mieux”

  1. I am puzzled why people have to bring their dogs everywhere they go. Leave them home when you go to the supermarket. The’ll be fine. I was at Whole Foods recently where some lady had to bring her dog shopping and the dog peed in the dairy section.

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        1. Erm … no. But somehow my brain has registered bird poo as the least offensive of the animal kingdom poos.

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  2. So…opportunity knocks! Offer to keep Louis away from the local store…for a price. Maybe a couple of cases of his favorite food. If they don’t pay up he sheds cat dandruff in the cheese aisle.

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  3. For sure and for certain we are their bitches. Have you seen the cats who have mastered the talk buttons? I find it fascinating to watch them “talking” to their bitches with buttons but at the same time l can’t help but think that those cats have only been given tools that make their demands less ambiguous. What do you think?

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      1. Look up Fluent Pet. They have one word buttons that the animals push to talk to their human servants and some of these animals are quite good at it. Several of these cats have media accounts for their button skills. Catmanjohn, Billispeaks and Justinbeiberthecat are a few of them.

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  4. I don’t know what to tell you.
    If Ian has managed to train Chloe to help him, perhaps he could give you some tricks to do the same with Louis.
    I’m kidding. Louis is a king whereas Chloe is probably just a mere silly black cat.
    🐈‍⬛

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    2. Ohhh, don’t underestimate her! She is probably hiding her time, letting Ian think he is the master, until The Mothership gives the signal for The Uprising.

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  5. I agree with you and Louis, I would accept therapy cats much easier than therapy dogs. Plus cats in a store could help catching vermine! I also think the world would be a much nicer/quieter/funner place if everyone could have their therapy cat with them everywhere.

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  7. I regret to inform Sa Maj that cats all over the world have jobs. In libraries, bodegas, railroad stations, bookstores and schools, etc. Even Larry, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, no? Catorze is just the luckiest cat in his ‘hood…😼

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    1. His job is to rid Le Jardin of vermin … but he gets Blue the Smoke Bengal to do that for him! 😳

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  9. There have been seveeral articles online of cats that took up residence in a market (a large one, not just a Mom & Pop) and were thrown out by management only to have the customers complain.The Bodega Cats have a book all to themselves and are well loved. Just try to mmake sure Louis never gets a chance to indoctrinate Chloe.
    I can assure you the people mentioning bird poop are correct…you want that as far away as possible from any food source

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    1. Oh. Mon. Dieu. It’s … you! And la belle Chloe! This must be what it’s like when a rock star says your name! How are you? 🐈‍⬛

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