The males in this household are driving me round the bend.

A couple of nights ago they stayed up late for an extended Boys’ Club, which is a fairly common occurrence here at Le Château. But, when they finally came to bed at 6am (!), instead of slipping silently into the bedroom, they were irritating beyond belief.

It wouldn’t have been so bad had they both been irritating together, getting the irritation over and done with in one go, but it was one of them first (Cat Daddy stomping, talking nonsense and generally being a moron), then the other a little later (Louis Catorze bouncing all over me, purring and screaming). After 45 minutes of trying and failing to get back to sleep, I decided I might as well get up and do some work. At 6:45am. ON A SUNDAY.

Anyway, it turned out that Boys’ Club had not gone on until 6am; in actual fact Cat Daddy had tried to wrap up the session much earlier, but had “fallen asleep whilst switching off the lamp” (?). (The fact that he had consumed 3/4 of a bottle of Limoncello had nothing to do with this … or, rather, it did, but this was apparently my fault because I needed space in the freezer for something. The Limoncello therefore had to come out of the freezer in order to free up said space, forcing Cat Daddy, completely against his will, to drink it.) He had woken up several hours later on the sofa, with Catorze snuggled up beside him, and that was when the two of them decided to come to bed and cause mayhem.

By 3pm that day I was exhausted and so I went back to bed for a nap. Within 5 minutes Catorze was back, leaping all over me and hollering his guts out, and further into my nap I was awoken by Cat Daddy playing loud (and not even very good) music. So, for the second time in a day, the pair of them took several years off my life, and I am now wondering whether I should get out and take my chances with the virus and the beach-thronging stupids rather than put up with their idiotic shite.

Cat Daddy, referring to the 6am incident: “We were only trying to be affectionate and to give you love.”

Me: “…”

Cat Daddy: “Are you saying you don’t want us to be affectionate or to give you love?”

Me: “Not at 6am, no.”

Cat Daddy, in a bit of a huff: “Fine. We won’t do it EVER AGAIN.”

Me: “Good. I’d like that in writing, please.”

[Silence, tumbleweed, crickets]

Cat Daddy: “It was Louis’s idea, anyway.”

[Stonier silence, more tumbleweed, noisier crickets]

Here is the gruesome twosome, utterly unrepentant: