Holy. Flippin’. Hell.
I was just about to say “I guess this had to happen sooner or later” but, I’ll be honest, I absolutely NEVER thought it would happen: Louis Catorze gave Cat Daddy the slip during their joint outdoor exercise session – Cat Daddy on the stationary bike and Catorze pitter-pattering around – and the little sod strolled back from wherever he’d been, minus Le Cône.
After a quick search of Le Jardin, I found it behind the shed. And it was fully undone. So Catorze hadn’t simply wriggled out of it; HE HAD ACTUALLY UNFASTENED THE VELCRO.
Mesdames et Messieurs: as long as I live I will never, EVER understand how on earth he did this. This mystery is right up there with the disappearance of Lord Lucan and those weird lines in Peru.
Cat Daddy: “I can’t believe how smug he looked, trotting merrily up the path. If he had any sense, he’d have stayed in the playground at The Back and had a good old scratch. And we wouldn’t have been able to do a thing about it.” Well, for once I am grateful that he’s thicker than a concrete milkshake.
So our new security measures are as follows:
1. Extra caution is to be exercised during the 2 hours following his steroid dose. (Virtually all the bad behaviour takes place immediately after he has been pilled.)
2. Wardens cannot perform any other tasks alongside their supervision of the pilled inmate (not even making a cup of tea).
3. Le Cône is to be glued/nailed onto inmate’s person and, in the event of inmate not liking this, tant pis pour lui.